5 months post-op

It's a little weird to think that I still haven't spent more time bipedal since surgery than I did on crutches - those days seem so far behind me! I think it's like they say about women having evolved to forget much of the pain of labor so that they might want to actually do it again. I've been thinking back on my hospital stay and realized how little I remember of the first couple of days, how the memory of getting out of bed for the first time is a visual one and not a sense one (though I seem to recall my sense was something like "HOLY SHIT THAT HURTS!"). Good thing, as I reluctantly look ahead to scheduling my RPAO in the spring. Though my right hip is deteriorating at an astonishing pace (having been entirely pain-free pre-op), I'm hopeful it will still be much better off than ol' lefty was going into surgery, and thus recovery will be easier. That's logical, right?!

Meanwhile my op leg seems to be coming along dandily. I walked a mile last week for the first time and Sunday played a full 18 holes of discgolf (in a t-shirt, no less!) - poorly, mind you, but it was still marvelous to get out there. Definitely slow on the inclines, but I make it up nonetheless, and don't experience pain so much as weakness. My dear PT Susan and I are working steadily on that, though, trying to shore up both sides as best I can without compromising one over the other. It's a balancing act, in more ways than one! I've been seeing her about once a week and getting regular ultrasound massage on my left IT band, which is tight like a tiger these days. I saw my GP, Dr. Crose, last week and, in addition to getting swine flu up the nose, got a prescription for lidocaine patches for my right hip as it worsens.

Intellectually I know that medicine is a science, but it's funny to me how just asking about something (in this case for a topical pain solution instead of the 1600+ milligrams of daily ibuprofen I was prescribed for 9 months leading to surgery) can completely change the doctor's approach. I definitely appreciate her willingness to hear me out on such things - we're both fairly new to this process! Haven't picked up the patches yet (and hope to use them only in dire circumstances) but Susan warns they're pretty powerful stuff and can seep meds into the capillary bed, meaning the numbness might spread any old which way. Regardless, I'll certainly not be keeping them on for the SIX TO EIGHT HOURS they supposedly work for. I'd like to at least be able to feel like I have a hip!

In terms of numbness on the op side (no meds needed there!) I've been getting a lot of surface sensation back, which is great, if painful. I truly welcome the pain, though, since it means I'm healing! The incision has reached a rather uncomfortable (burny/stabby) part of the healing process, but Susan assures me that as long as it's pinky-purpleish (which is definitely still is for the most part) it's still healing under there somewhere, so that's good. She claims that it will eventually just look like a thin white line, but at this point that seems, to quote Ralph Wiggum, unpossible. In any event, I'm feeling better and stronger (at least on the left side) with each passing day, and oh-so-pleased with my PAO. In case you couldn't tell. :)

Oh so THAT'S what "bilateral" means!

Well, I'm nearly 5 months post-op and the balance (in my pelvis) has really shifted. The other day my right leg popped and I said "That's my good leg!" and my dad said "Which one's the 'good' one now?" and I realized, Hey! I actually DO have a good leg now, and it's my LEFT one! Some continued stiffness and weakness aside, LPAO was definitely a success and I'm continually amazed at the things that don't hurt. Conversely, I've finally come to a full acceptance of the inevitability of an RPAO, as the stronger my left gets the more the weaknesses of the right are apparent. I've also made some excellent strides both in yoga and in my chiropractic work, such that my upper back and left shoulder are better than ever. Of course, with that improved alignment comes the evidence of MISalignment in my right side - LE sigh!

It's been a funny full-circle journey to be experiencing the initial pangs of dysplasia all over again on the opposite (and heretofore almost entirely asymptomatic) side. At least I know what to do for the pain this time around! The knowing-what-to-expect is a blessing and a curse these days, as I consider an RPAO in a mere 5 months time. It's no good to start doing the math of 6 more months til my left side's functioning at full capacity and another year after that til the right is. I try my best not to focus on the limitations I have now, which will only get worse (for several months) before they get better, but that little grumpy gremlin's still lurking in the back of my mind most days. Of course, most days I'm also thinking pretty regularly "Oh how SPLENDID it is to WALK!!!" so it sort of evens out somehow. :) Mostly what I'm dreading at this point is starting the insurance dance all over again - I feel so much like the petulant child dragging her heels and whining "But I don't WANNNAAAAAA!" Lousy growing up. ;)

The presence of absence

Well, it's a Wednesday, which means I'm X weeks post-LPAO, though at this point I've happily lost track. I'm also nearly 4 weeks post-crutches and am happy to say the ball of my right hand has finally healed to the point that you can barely tell it'd been beaten up for months by the otherwise-ergonomic grips of my Millennial Crutches - crutches that have been living in the back of my trusty Subaru since the day of Adam & Sue's wedding, such that I literally can see them in my rearview mirror. mwah ha ha ha ha!

I've been back at yoga regularly and taking Omega 3s, both of which seem to be increasing the sensation in my op leg daily. Also managed to pick up a $10 stationary bike at the fabulous annual Bethany Church sale (which a wonderful man carried to my house for me!), though I haven't done much with it after the initial foray that left me sore. Hopefully a mere seat adjustment will address that, but I want to talk to Susan, the PT I've been missing so dearly lo these many weeks, before getting back on again. And YES I see her tomorrow! No thanks to Boston Childrens, though, as it was Dr. Crose who ended up writing the scrip. Technically I'm still supposed to be on crutches, since the order for my follow-up x-rays never arrived. Great system they've got there.

But aside from still struggling a bit with going up stairs and putting on underwear (that pesky leg-lifty motion!), I'm feeling fairly fantastic. Except when I'm tired my limp is pretty much completely gone and it is with great self-satisfaction that I pass people on the sidewalk. I'm fast again!! There are so many moments when my brain anticipates pain and is pleasantly surprised when there's none - after 2 years of decreased mobility this should come as no shock, but I still get a lovely frisson every time it happens. And I can't tell you HOW many times a day I think "I am SO happy I'm not on crutches!" Last week I played my first post-op (half) round of disc golf, which really drove both points home. The last time I'd gone was a week or so before surgery and by the time we got to the first bench I was already struggling and couldn't wait to sit down. This time we got there and I was fine, just FINE thankyouverymuch! Granted I'm a little slow on the up-and-down hilly bits, but that's probably 85% paranoia and only 15% actual physical limitation. Overall I'm definitely not back to 100% (not that I even remember what 100% feels like, really) but I'm getting there, and actually excited to see what Susan has to say tomorrow (slash a microscopic bit concerned she's going to tell me I've effed something up in my enthusiastic rush towards bipedalism, but only a bit!). We shall soon see!

3 months post-op

Cliche though it may well be, I'd feel remiss if I didn't note what a long strange trip this has been. It's been such a bizarre year (summer in particular) in terms of appreciating the passage of time - I truly can't believe a quarter of the year has passed since my PAO. Yipes! And what did I do with that time, exactly? Well, I watched The Sopranos in its entirety and It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia in its entirety twice (it bears repeating). I didn't read one book from the time I was admitted til I returned home to Montpelier - the longest I've gone in probably my whole life without something going. I guess I learned the joys of passivity - certainly got my fill of THAT this summer!

Last night I made my triumphant return to yoga and actually fared pretty well, with the exception of some twists and bendy business that I just couldn't physically accomplish without irritating my screws something fierce. Really, though, what's sorest today is my poor beleaguered shoulders, beaten down by so much crutching and so little rest. The whole left side of my upper body (including my loud cracking jaw) is a bit unhappy today, but I'm certain tonight's adjustment and tomorrow's massage (AHHH!) will sort that out right quick. But, despite a minor panic at the start of class when I thought "Am I totally nuts?!", yoga helped me recenter in a way I haven't been able to for too long now, and I think has sorted my hip enough that (despite increased tenderness) my gait feels closer to normal now than it has... well, really since before I started experiencing dysplasia symptoms back in the summer of '07!

So, yes, PAO was definitely a smart choice for me and, though it really hadn't bothered me much at all before taking so much abuse this summer, old righty's surely going to go under the knife within a year. It's actually a little scary how quickly my brain switched to scheming for that surgery once I got off crutches for good. Even while limping around all screwed up (literally, I mean) my master planning instinct is kicking in full force. Thankfully I'll see Dr. Crose this afternoon and get some PT prescribed so I can put some closure to my LPAO before I get TOO far ahead of myself!

13 weeks post-PAO, 5 days post-crutches, 5 hours pre-yoga!

Well, after reading about one of my hip sisters going out on ice skates at a mere 8 weeks post-op, I decided to toss off my crutches for good on Saturday, x-rays be damned! I'd been doing a good bit of short-distance walking leading up to it, so it wasn't too terrifying, though I couldn't walk without a limp if I tried. The pain in my hip is minimal - more just soreness and exhaustion - but my foot was KEEELing me for a couple of days and now the pain has migrated up to my ankle, all a result, no doubt, of my left leg being completely realigned. I also realized my foot looks kind of strange to me from this new perspective (actually flat on the floor instead of torqued out to the left), which I hadn't really considered when I wasn't putting weight on it.

Sunday was Adam & Sue's wedding and I'm confident in saying it was the most perfect day ever, a huge part of what was surely my best weekend of 2009 so far. And I danced! Oh how I danced, and went up and down stairs, and walked around like a normal person! So normal, in fact, that at one point Adam tried to do the "let's bump hips" dance on my left side and I had to be like "Dude, you're hitting my screws!" :D At this point the screws are probably the sorest part, kind of itchy actually as the feeling comes back. With the muscles it's more that they just won't do what they're supposed to, but they're not complaining much about what they can do. All in all, I've been in significantly less pain the past few weeks than I was for nearly 2 years pre-PAO, so I'm not complaining! The weirdest is things I do (sitting flat on the floor with my leg out, sitting in the car with my leg bent) that DON'T hurt - things that hurt so consistently before surgery that I'd conditioned myself not to do them. Thankfully I think all my crutch conditioning has reset my brain in that regard, so I do those things without thinking. Of course, I still do weird crutchy things without thinking - like flinging the door wide open to let myself (and my invisible crutches) through and trying to keep my hands empty at all times. How liberating to carry one's own beverage again!

Meanwhile my x-ray order still hasn't shown (shocking, I know) but thankfully I have an appointment with Dr. Crose, my GP, tomorrow morning so I can have her finally prescribe the PT I've been jonesing for for months now. Oooh and tonight I'm going back to yoga! Probably a bit crazy, but I'll be taking it easy, for sure - very much looking forward to stretching out some of these well-worn kinks, though - I suspect my shoulders will be quite pleased with me! Tomorrow back to Dr. Hoo and Friday MASSAGE so life is pretty, pretty good!

*twiddles thumbs*

Well, 12 weeks post-op and all progress made towards not biting my nails has gone out the window. I am STILL on crutches! After waiting 2 weeks for a response to my email to Erin about my second round of x-rays (which need to be done before they start "weaning" me off crutches), I waited another 2 weeks for the x-ray order to arrive in my mailbox and it never did. Thankfully trusty Shani in Dr. Kim's office tracked Erin down and (allegedly) put the order in the mail to me Monday. Which implies to me that the order was never sent in the first place, but who am I to speculate??

Meanwhile, I eye with growing envious rage the blogs of folks who were back on two feet at 10 weeks - how could I have gone from 48 hours ahead of schedule in the hospital to two weeks BEHIND once I left? After having been so prepared and informed going into my LPAO, I've felt completely forgotten as soon as I left Beth Israel. It's not a good feeling.

I saw Dr. Hoo last night for the first time in many weeks and realized how disconnected I've been from the recovery process (and the poor bedraggled Hipnotic!) lo these many weeks - in no small part, I think, because of how powerless I've felt just waiting and waiting and waiting. Thankfully I've been able to hit the therapy pool at least once a week since I left my folks' house, which has been just dandy. Otherwise I would be doing NO PT, since Dr. Kim doesn't prescribe it until after these accursed x-rays are done, which makes absolutely no sense to me.

Regardless, at 10 weeks I started walking short distances without my crutches, just around the house and the bookstore, in preparation for Adam & Sue's wedding this weekend. When they first booked it I jokingly said I might still be on crutches at that point and here I am, still in limbo and unsure of whether I'm really screwing myself up (no pun intended involving my new internal titanium accessories) attempting time on two legs. But my patience reserve was pretty low once I passed the 10-week mark, and at this point I'm running on fumes. Keeping fingers crossed that I'll magically come home today to an x-ray order in my mailbox (because really it doesn't take that long for things to get here from Boston!) and can get it over with tomorrow after getting my post-op bloodwork done with Dr. Crose. Oh, best laid plans!

Sunday Sun

It's funny how I've gone from checking hipwomen a dozen times a day and updating this business near-daily (what did I even have to say??) to dropping off the face of the internet post-op. I guess because now I'm not so concerned with what to expect and, to be frank, recovery is kind of boring. Being back in the pool has been the most exciting part - remembering (my muscles, not my mind) how to walk is a definite eye-opener. I've certainly never tried so hard to act natural before! Last week I was right on the verge of asking one of the PTs how to turn around, a skill I seem to have lost after 8 weeks on crutches. I just could NOT do it normally - I found myself doing the crutchy hop-pivot and thinking "Now that can't be right!" But that muscle memory is something else, let me tell you - all of a sudden last week I realized I was turning like a normal person again. Everything I've started doing normally again has thus far happened like that - I do it unconsciously and then a second later go "Whoa! I just did that!" Same with lifting my leg up to the edge of the tub to dry it, which I did for the first time last week. I'm not too concerned about doing something bad that way, since if the soreness doesn't stop me the physical inability to bend or twist or exert myself that way certainly will. I just can't do it - period. But that list grows shorter by the day and I'm out and about (slowly but surely) more and more. Most pleasing is the steady return of feeling in my hip and thigh, which has been the most surprisingly slow development. Being in the pool is definitely helping in that regard - I never thought I'd be so happy to get that zippy ZING! shooting out of my scar.

And the scar... now I finally understand why the hipwomen talk about not being able to wear jeans post-op. MAN that thing is sensitive! I don't have to worry much about overexerting myself in the pool because the pressure of my suit on the incision gets unbearable far faster than any muscle fatigue. Not really sure if there's any solution to that save for that old healer time, which til now has been mostly on my side. My extended hiatus from the world of work came to an end this weekend, and being back in the store has been great thus far. Going back to school in a few weeks, however... I am SO hoping I'm not still on crutches for THAT business! And Adam & Sue's reception, which is on a boat. :/

At this point I'd say the biggest pain I have is the pain in my ass of trying to communicate with the folks at Boston Childrens - much as I love them and the work they do! I left the hospital feeling like I knew what to expect but as time goes by I'm less and less sure of what I'm supposed to be doing. My second round of post-op x-rays (which I'm trying to do in Vermont instead of driving 6 hours roundtrip for 10 minutes of appointments) still hasn't been scheduled and I have no idea how soon after that I might hope to be off crutches. I haven't seen a PT since I was in the hospital, which just seems wrong. Thankfully I already had my pool routine (which I've curtailed significantly, limiting myself to stretching & walking in the shallow and jogging & skiing in the deep) so I'm not feeling like a total lump, but still. Oh what a lesson in patience hip dysplasia has been!

6 weeks post-op tomorrow and I am headed HOME!

Much as I love my parents and their relatively handicapped-accessible digs, it's high time I return to my own sweet sweet Montpelier home. And so I am on this drizzly day, though they're pretty much convinced I'm insane to do so. "Brave soul," my dad said, "at least here you know mama and I are here to help if you need it," conveniently forgetting that they just returned from 2 solid weeks on vacation, during which time I was left completely to my own devices. So I'm not too terrified, though a bit about dealing with having a car (and no parking spot) and stairs, of course, and being able to feed myself in a kitchen where the refrigerator is nowhere near the counter. (Something I never would have thought of at all were it not for the crutches in my life!)

Last Friday I had my one month post-op appointment with Dr. Kim and finally got to see his handiwork.



(This pic I took with my phone when left alone in the office - if the copies of the x-rays I ordered for myself are significantly more impressive, I'll be sure to post them.)

Everything seems to be healing nicely - my incision is down from a gory bumpy gash to a semi-lumpy vibrant purple line and I've been cleared to put 60 lbs. of weight on my op leg. I can't say enough about my fancy Millennial In-Motion Pros (Yao Ming's crutch of choice, I've just learned - woohoo!), which have kept me very comfortable, not to mention impressed even medical professionals, lo these many weeks. I haven't flung myself down the stairs ONCE (knock wood)!

I've been off pain meds for awhile now and am surprised to find that, for probably the past 2-3 weeks, I've been in less discomfort now than I was for nearly 2 years before surgery. It's pretty mindblowing. Really the only hurdle I need to clear now is strengthening my thigh muscles, which are still fairly weak and, because of continued immobility, haven't moved much past the nerve sensation level I had when I first got out of the hospital. I had a wonderful massage last week, though, and when Jennifer was working (gently!) on the back of my op leg I started to get a bit of pins and needles in areas that've been numb for over a month, so I'm certain with time the sensation will return fully. Thankfully my return to Montpelier also allows a return to the therapy pool where, amazingly, I CAN WALK! Oooh I'm so looking forward to it!!

And... what else? I went to my first show (the incomparable King Sunny Ade & His African Beats) on crutches and THAT was frustrating, but I'm still so glad I went. In a couple weeks I head down to Northampton to see THE AVETT BROTHERS (and probably cry from joy) and that one I'm swinging alone, which should be interesting. Generally people are pretty respectful of the crutches, though, with a few notable exceptions... but I suspect those people would be inconsiderate assholes crutches or no. :) All in all I'm definitely feeling good about the decision to go ahead with the PAO and, general inconvenience aside, am so thankful to be coming out on the other side of it all better, stronger, and decidedly less limpy than ever before!

3 weeks post-PAO

You'd think I'd forgotten about this place lately, but really I've just forgotten what day/week/month it is. Seriously, I have no sense of time. But even so I'm aware that 3 weeks ago this afternoon I was waking up in recovery, putting my tongue stud back in, and feeling comfortably numb (if a bit woozy). Hard to believe that the hospital stay that at first moved so slowly from my static position in bed actually lasted a mere 5 days before I was back in Vermont, eating maple creemees with my folks.

Hospital living was so outside my realm of experience that it's only in retrospect that I realize how completely strange it was. At most I had the same nurses for 2 shifts, so it was a revolving door of new faces endlessly taking my vitals, bringing me pills, refilling my water. The first two nights I was lucky enough to have Nadine, who not only appreciated my sense of humor (thankfully unmarred by surgery) but had one of her own, and called me "sweetpea", which is what I call Augustus when he's not chewing cords or running laps while I try to sleep. This is helpful when one's job is to wake up an exhausted person every 2 hours to lay a bag of ice at intervals down both sides of their body and make them say "cold", "cool", or "nothing" as appropriate.

I was also lucky enough to have a room of my own, and the window view to boot (most of what I could see being relatively parkish) and flowers from friends and a teddy bear (Cowbell, as in "I've got a fever [which I did] and the only cure is more") that I quickly became very attached to. I learned to account for lag time in asking for vital equipment like a trapeze or a walker early to allow for the inevitable half-day bureaucratic delay in delivery. This lesson was driven home waiting for the toilet riser to arrive once my catheter came out. I learned not to order the fish (kind of a "duh" moment, in hindsight) but that the veggie burgers were enormous and you won't get ketchup unless you ask for it. Life skills, I tell you what! :)

The epidural was perfect (kudos skilled anesthesiologist whose name I don't remember!) and kept me well insulted from pain for as long as it was supposed to. I hadn't taken into account how difficult sitting up would be with a numb midsection, most of the reason why I nearly pulled my epidural out in all my scootings and squirmings before the trapeze arrived. I learned the power of the boost, when a nurse takes either side of the pad you're laying on and slides you right up to the top of the bed - THAT was awesome. I learned that without it your feet end up resting on the metal bar across the end of the bed, and that that, coupled with the epidural's numbness, will lead to bedsores (which thankfully I was spared) if you're not careful. I learned that having a drain pulled out and having a catheter pulled out are equally bizarre sensations, but the drain actually hurts, whereas the catheter is only uncomfortable. And that you should ask for the commode chair well before committing to catheter removal. I may have mentioned this before - it's a lesson I've learned well! :)

Going to the bathroom (as in physically getting myself in there and sitting down) was by far the most painful aspect (aside from rolling over to change the sheets under me - NOT for the faint of heart!) and complicated by the fact that my equilibrium was totally screwy. I'm glad the bathroom door was about 6 inches from my knees so that when I stood up I just bounced my head off of it instead of toppling to the floor. I can't quite explain the joy of being able to go in there, shut the door and just be ALONE after feeling like I was living in a glorified hallway for days on end. Oh, the simple pleasures!

I can't say enough about the BI staff and the care I received there - I always felt well looked-after and everyone I encountered was very kind. I can't thank my mother enough for staying with me for the duration, even though she commented more than once that she might as well have stayed home for all I "needed" from her. Just having her sitting there reading a book was enough most days, though the burrito she brought me for dinner halfway through my stay made her presence invaluable.

Since I've been home (or at least in my former home), I've been doing dandily - my bandage and steristrips have all been off for about a week now and, though it's considerably more gruesome than I'd anticipated (not to mention long as hell), my incision seems to be healing nicely. The tenderness along it is subsiding, along with the numbness in my upper thigh and the side of my hip, though that's receding slower than I'd thought/hoped it would. Last Friday I was able to sleep on my (right) side for the first time and it was VERY strange - the whole balance of my midsection is completely different (don't make me waste one of my duh's, as Bev would say) but it's comfortable, though rolling back over onto my back is a little difficult. Oooh and last night for the first time I lifted my op leg onto the bed without using my hands! Woohoo! I did it without even thinking and then went "Hey! My leg's on the bed! Sweeeeet."

My parents leave for 2 weeks at our place on PEI tomorrow and in anticipation I've been cooking more and more for myself without too many problems, though I did drop a bucket of raspberry sorbet (sing it like Prince!) on the floor the other day and ended up laughing hysterically as I tried (and failed) to pick it back up again and again with my crutches. I've learned that having my grabber with me (and a chair in the room) is key for safe and effective meal preparation.

And, though my mom is insanely restrictive in her assessment(s) of what I can and cannot do, I've been out on the town three times in the last week (not counting last night's long-awaited trip to the pharmacy) and have fared very well. This weekend I hope to make my triumphant return to civil society with some parade-and-fireworks action at John & Ali's in Hinesburg - we'll see how long I last without having to take a nap. :)

All in all the experience has been FAR less horrendous, painful, and frustrating than I ever thought it would be. Good thing I was consumed with it for 9+ months, right?! In two weeks I return to Childrens in Waltham for my post-op and get to see if the ol' pelvis is healing according to plan. I'm no expert (on anything, really), but I do suspect the results will be favorable!

And now, back to my It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia marathon, already in progress. I'm gonna rise up, gonna kick a little ass, gonna kick some ass in the USA. Gonna climb a mountain, gonna sew a flag, gonna fly on an eagle. I'm gonna kick some butt, I'm gonna drive a big truck, I'm gonna rule this world, I'm gonna kick some ass, I'm gonna rise up, I'm gonna kick a little ass, ROCK, FLAG, AND EAGLE!!

1 week post-PAO

First off let me say that my sense of time is pretty much nonexistent at this point, so please forgive any continuity errors in my narrative. But I'm certain I've been out of the hospital since Monday afternoon, and sleeping pretty much nonstop (when not watching The Sopranos) since. Geez, where to begin?!

I guess Monday morning I saw another PT who made it her goal to get me away from my toe-scrunching method of moving my left foot while on crutches. To start, she had to physically pick up my left heel and advance the foot for me, but about halfway down the hall I started being able to do it on my own and by the time we were headed back to the room (2 chair breaks and 5 stairs later) I was picking the whole foot up in as close a semblance of a normal step as I was able to muster. It's really incredible what the body's able to do - muscle memory and whatnot. To clarify, in order to perform the PAO the surgeons had to sever all the muscles, nerves and tendons across the front of my thigh to get to the bone and reattach them - understandably there's a bit of a lag in them becoming fully (or even partially) functional again. The biggest hurdle is the tendon that runs along the back of your leg, and right across the biggest cut made in the pelvis - it's the one that allows you to lift your leg up (something I'm still doing manually, despite other improvements) and because of the new bone ledge created by moving the piece of my pelvis that was removed, the thing that pops over and over again deep inside the joint (I'm reassured that's normal body mechanics!).

The time when the non-functionality of said tendon is most evident is getting back into bed. I pretty quickly mastered the art of using my good leg to move my bad, but getting the full weight of that left thigh up onto the mattress, even using both hands and extra support, was by far the most painful movement post-op. Ehm... along with, you know, sitting up, moving, etc. :) Days later, it still hurts, for sure, but nowhere near as badly and I don't need 5 minutes rest to recover once I've successfully repositioned myself. Thankfully, after several nights of mind-blowingly confusing and detailed dreams, followed by soaking sweat and pounding headache, I've figured my pain meds regimen out to where things are a bit more normal, though I still have by far the strangest dreams of my life - the other night actually involving pink elephants. hahaha I told my mom about it and she again warned about abusing my meds lest they have to deal with a "hop-head" on their hands. :)

That said, my ease of mobility, though still very limited and tiring, is worlds away from just a couple of days ago and my folks are duly impressed, though my mom is daily telling me that I'm "doing too much" - yesterday she said this to me when I'd literally been awake for a sum total of 3 hours (or, as I like to count them, episodes of Sopranos) and moved from bed only to go to the bathroom... TWICE! The setup here at my folks (in addition to the marvel of having them here to make me food) is pretty much perfect - they've got a hospital bed set up for me in the old living room with a view out the atrium door looking right at the ever-busy hummingbird feeder, I've got wireless (which thankfully just started working again!) and a bathroom just far enough away to make it a good leg-stretching distance but with a toilet high enough that I haven't needed the extender seat thing on it conveniently located in an alcove for easy leveraging into and out of. Plus Augustus has access to perpetually-full water and dry food, so he's certainly not complaining!

Yesterday the dressing on my wound came off and nobody wants to see it! I think it's pretty badass (slash cringe-inducing) but both my parents have taken a pass on a peek. The incision itself is still covered in steristrips but fairly gruesome nonetheless at this stage of the game. Alas the amazing tape stuff they use basically pulled up my skin along one side, so I've got a couple actual bleedy spots in addition to the general itchiness of the exposed skin, but it's good to have it all open to the air finally. I gather the steristrips will come off over time, and then the real long-term cosmetic effects can be assessed. Not that I really give a hoot about the cosmetic effects on a part of my body that's almost never seen by anyone but me - the locomotive effects will be readily apparent to all and sundry!

Oooh, and let me tell you the coolest thing! Back when I started on this business several medical folks commented on how my left foot had a noticeable external rotation, most evident when I was lying down. When my first PT in the hospital met with me she pointed out how important it was to avoid that rotation (and any internal rotation) while healing, not least of all because it hurt like hell - she said I'd just need to put a towel or something along the outside of my leg to keep it straight on. Well, I did that for maybe three days and now my foot's straight as an arrow! Oh it's quite magical!

Hm... I'm sure I've missed something, but now that the internets are back to being my full-time friend, I'm sure I'll be back sooner rather than later. It's funny - I've been outside for a sum total of about 10 minutes in 2 weeks and it's not really bothering me yet - helps that it's raining today and my folks' house is pretty open. Just weird to not care AT ALL about the weather forecast for once. No offense Eye in the Sky Guys. :)

3 - it's the magic number

Yeah it is! :)

I'm told that surgery day is Day Zero, making yesterday Day Three in my LPAO adventure, and what a day it was! My mama arrived soon after the epidural came out and was kind enough to give my back a thorough scratching (telling me I looked like a zebra already from where I'd been able to scratch) followed by some nice soothing lotion. We had a good bit of time to kill before the PT showed up, so we watched some Curb (which she'd never seen) and I tried not to laugh too hard - unintended consequence of this surgery being a change in my laugh as I try to keep all the motion in the upper part of my torso (weird!).

When Jenna, the PT (and a Vermonter!), arrived, she asked if I could wiggle my toes and was immediately impressed by the range of motion in my left foot/ankle/calf - I'd been moving it all around since the epidural started to wear off down there and was scared for a bit that I'd done something I shouldn't. She reassured me that I was actually doing marvelously and gave me a little tutorial on walker walking before getting me to sitting on the edge of the bed. Bear in mind that neither of my feet had touched ground in something like 80 hours, so needless to say it was a bit woozy-making even getting them into position. The pain was bearable, though, as long as I remembered to keep my torso leaned back enough that my leg wasn't at a 90 degree angle to it. Standing with the walker was a fairly bizarre sensation, since it was the first time I could really feel the effects of the surgery (and I'd just taken some more percocet!), but I was pleasantly surprised at my ability to maintain my balance given how long I'd been bed-bound. Definitely have to give yoga some credit on that one!

Apparently it's fairly standard for PAOers to have no ability to move the foot on the op side, such that Jenna often at first has to physically move their foot forward for them for a time. This was not to be my fate, however (thank heavens!), since I maintained so much mobility below the knee. Still and all, the extent of my phenomenal range of motion is to be able to creep my toes along the floor until my leg is angled toward the walker before hoisting the rest of my weight into position with my arms. On the walker the right leg doesn't seem to have to do much in this regard, save for keeping me upright, but we'll see how crutches go today. In any event, I managed to walker to the window and back to an armchair they'd brought in for me (approximately 15 feet, approximately 15 minutes) and sit for awhile waiting for them to bring in a commode to put over the room's toilet, which for some unknown reason is about a foot off the floor normally. Sitting up in a chair was SOOO very nice! And as soon as they got the commode in place they took out my catheter, which was a bit painful and strange, but also quite nice to see it go! Of course, I immediately realized what I'd just committed to and decided to stop drinking water and eating ice by the bucketfull!

Awkward though it was, it was a big step to be able to use the big kids potty again, and I was pretty wiped by the time I made it back to my armchair. Around this time Elizabeth showed up, having made the trip down to friends in the area the night before - it was really nice to see a friendly face from home here, where I feel I've been in exile for about a month, and to see my good spirits and relatively good health reflected in her. After she left came the delightful moment of getting back into bed, definitely the most painful part of the whole process, in no small part because I'm dependent on the nurse to get my op leg back into bed, and she has no way of knowing what hurts. I did make another unauthorized solo trip to the bathroom at about 4 this morning and managed to use my good leg to hoist my bum leg back in bed (with a short stopover propped on the walker) which was still painful but better, if only for being all under my control. You know how much I like control! ;)

Alright, time to make the trek to the bathroom again and hopefully not throw up, as I'm feeling a bit queasy this morning. Also fevery, but that's nothing new. In any event, it seems reasonable to expect that I'll go home tomorrow, barring any unforeseen complications. Here's hoping!

Epidural out!

Else why would I be awake at 7am on a Saturday?? I can't explain the relief of finally being able to scratch my back, which has been covered in tape for 3 straight days. Ahhhhh! This also means I'll be getting feeling back in my legs (for better or worse!) and will soon be released from the dandy plastic compression legwarmers I've been rocking. My fever spiked again last night to 101 and I was so sweaty and miserable, but this morning it seems to have broken (thanks in no small part to the abundance of crushed ice available to me). After the epidural, they wait a few hours to take out the catheter, which means I'll be down to just one IV and able to finally get out of this stinking bed.

Of course, I'm probably crazy to look forward to that since it will undoubtedly hurt like hell. Just trying to reposition myself in bed with my trusty trapeze is cringe-inducing enough, and that's WITH the epidural! Yesterday a most intrepid nurse not only got me cleaner than I've been in days but also managed to change my sheets without me ever leaving the bed - miraculous! Ooh and a scrub-wearing angel just appeared at my bedside and gave me percocet! This hospital living's not nearly so bad as I thought it'd be!

Today is the first morning that the sun is shining fully on Boston, making it also the first day I'm really regretting not being able to get outside. Thankfully, though, my regret is assuaged by the phenomenal bouquet delivered last night from my dearly beloved Rivendell crew - truly one of the loveliest I've seen! Pretty much made my week. :)

Day... uh... something...

Three? I've been in this bed since about 8:15 Wednesday morning, and it's starting to lose its charm! On the plus side, I'm now down to only 3 tubes coming out of me, as last night they took out the "spare" IV that was really paining me and this morning removed the drain in my hip. Which, let me tell you, was a BIZARRE sensation!

Everything seems to be progressing according to expectations, though I've been running a fever since last night and basically just want to jump into an ice bath. Sadly, it is not to be! Really I think the only thing that's happening today (aside from general rest and recovery) is getting the unit of blood I donated back. Tomorrow the epidural comes out and the real fun begins - I've been stepped down to a 6 (out of 10) and can definitely feel pain at the surgery site, if only when I try to move. Thankfully I've got a trapeze (metal triangle hanging over my head) so I can hoist myself up and reposition without doing too much damage. A good bit of popping going on in that hip, which I guess is normal, though I'd be lying if I said it didn't freak me out a bit when it happens.

It's ALLLIIIVE!!!

Well, I did it! Or, more to the point, Dr. Kim did. LPAO went off yesterday without a hitch, except that my sense of time is totally screwy, such that this morning I thought "I can't eat anything before surgery"... the surgery I had 24 hours ago, that is!

Anesthesia and meds don't seem to be messing me up too bad, though I did lose some of my water last night due to drinking a little too enthusiastically (story of my life!). I'm pretty out of it, though, thanks in no small part to being woken up every 2 hours last night to do "ice tests", basically seeing how much of my body the epidural is affecting. Seems to really be doing the trick, though, as I'm in absolutely no pain and only minor discomfort when I shift around or try to sit up more. Ah, except for the INCESSANT ITCHING, that is, which I guess is standard for epidurals - man it's annoying! Ooops and it's a good thing a coupla doctor-types just checked on me, because apparently my epidural bandage was coming off and the epidural was about to fall out! Good catch!

Otherwise I'm feeling pretty dandy, aside from not having eaten anything but my "clear liquid tray" since Tuesday night. I'll pretty much be coasting through the next couple days, then my epidural comes out probably Saturday, at which point the REAL fun begins! I'll be getting my unit of donated blood back before then, though, so hopefully it'll increase my stamina, if not my pain endurance! I'll surely be updating here as best I can, but for now signing off from Room 1278 in scenic BIDMC!

Sadsack surprise

I can't tell you how many times at school this week I've said "What was I just doing??" Seems to be the way of things these days. I was so scattered going into my adjustment Tuesday that Dr. Hoo seemed genuinely horrified at my condition and had me do some centering breathing exercises to try to pull me back together. They involved breathing with my hands on my stomach, my diaphragm and my throat and it was pretty powerful stuff, except when she asked me which felt most "open and inviting" - at moments like these I always feel like I'm at the optometrist, "Clearer with Number 1... *click* or Number 2... again 2... *click* or 1?" And I wonder "Are you trying to trick me??"

In any event, the adjustment was quite nice, followed by a really relaxing (no psoas poking this time!) massage, my last with Jennifer before surgery. To celebrate, instead of the delicious truffle she usually leaves you when she's done, she gave me perhaps the world's most marvelous chocolate bar - how I've managed to remain ignorant of these things even with my deep-seated caramel obsession is beyond me!

Oh yes and today is my second day without any ibuprofen, which I've been popping by the massive 600mg pill for many many months now. Had to go off it pre-op and have now successfully determined that it actually does nothing for me, save for probably effing up my kidneys for life. Even after a very hip-rigorous yoga class last night I'm still feeling just about the same without the meds as I ever did taking them.

And man was it some yoga class! Thankfully over time I think my prodigious sweating has at least been somewhat curtailed, but not my amazement at how far I'm actually able to push myself. Last night's theme was about finding your edge and pushing beyond it, and when Anj said "Feel your edge" I could probably feel it better than anyone else in the room, since it felt like the edge of a knife in my thigh. Still and all, no lasting ill effects from going that one step (or twist, as the case may be) further, even though I've begun really embracing the idea of running my leg into the ground (like my dear Subaru!) before surgery. Cow Face Pose (you may remember when I said Big Toe Pose was the worst asana name ever but I was clearly wrong!) certainly does the trick in that regard!

On the "I'm such a bad Buddhist" tip, it was nearly impossible for me to shut my dang brain up during the introspective/centering bits last night, but when I finally did I had an interesting realization: I'm sad! It's surprised even me how not-panicked I am, but I couldn't quite put a finger on what I was feeling until last night. Not that I could say why exactly, but there it is! Oh the vagaries of the human heart!

Glowsticks on the infield

If you're looking for something to pull you out of mopey morosity (yes it's actually a word!) let me recommend to you some PHISH at FENWAY! Aside from the fact that my legs were burning from standing so long on concrete, it was pretty much perfect. The little bit of rain we had up to and including the phenomenal a cappella version of the Star-Spangled Banner (they were RIGHT in front of us) was blown away by (I presume) the collective power of the crowd's joy, not to mention a sick Trey solo that literally brought out the sun. And there was a rainbow. And there was must rejoicing. :)

Because I am such a lucky lucky bastard, I also saw David Byrne last night, it didn't rain, and I was able to sit on my trusty Maine lounger (best thing my dad ever gave my mom that she didn't want and gave to me!) for the bulk of the show. A definite switch in vibe from the Phish crowd, but marvelous nonetheless, and quite the stage show!

After school today I'll rock both chiro and massage, which is surely just what I need, along with finally getting back to yoga class tomorrow. And I'm a week away from surgery - WHEW! Hard to believe, but I've really made the best of my last bipedal weeks and will continue to do so until the last possible moment, believe you me!

Ugh.

Well, my 4am jaunt down to Boston yesterday was very successful, though I discovered that traffic on 93 is just as bad at 7:15 in the morning as it is at 4:15 in the afternoon, when I left the city. The good news is that I had a little navigational mishap on the way out and still managed to get back on track by my wits alone (Garmin be damned!). The bad news is... yeah, I need another PAO. Dangitall! Somehow lo these many months I've been laboring under the false impression (slash hope) that since the right hip has been largely asymptomatic, I might get away with just the one PAO. But it is not to be so!

After my pre-op check-in business and blood donation (which went very well, if somewhat bruisingly), I had some more x-rays before seeing Erin, Dr. Kim's trusty PA. After initial pleasantries, she asked "So! Which hip do you want us to operate on?" and I felt like I'd been doused with icewater. "Uh... the left? The left's the one that bothers me." A moment passes and I say "So... the right? Is it your opinion that a PAO on the right is inevitable?" *holds breath* I even tried to get Dr. Kim to disagree with her when he came in, but no such luck. Honestly I was too exhausted yesterday to even begin to process the information, but getting up this morning was a bit of a stunner. Not that I don't have much more pressing matters to attend to at the moment!

The x-rays allowed Erin to calculate the coverage angles of each hip (how much of the femoral head [ball] is covered by the acetabulum [socket]). Ideally, these angles should be in the 20-degree range - my right is about 15 and my left a whopping NINE. Which explains why the left's been such an issue, and also why the right is a bit twingey, though still far behind the left in terms of discomfort. I asked Erin what degree of dysplasia I had and she said "I'd say... pretty bad." On a scale, of course, of Zero to Bad!

Meanwhile, the list of things I need to do before surgery isn't getting any shorter - at this point, I'm really looking forward to being sedated!

Fitter, Happier, More Productive

Well, the first two, at least. :) I realized the other day that now, 2 weeks (and a day!) away from surgery, I'm feeling better than I ever have. Ferreal! My thinking has really shifted, from being defined by dysplasia (and the dire consequences thereof) to surgery being merely a brief interruption in what is otherwise an active happy life. If anything, aside from the anxiety of anticipation, what I'm mostly feeling is sadness, as I mourn the impending loss of mobility. But I'm not scared - I'm ready!

Friday's medical extravaganza was wholly successful - as it turned out my time at Boston Childrens (Waltham) went so long I would have missed my blood donation at BI anyhow. I also learned that I have "the strangest veins" ever seen by the kindly radiology nurse who spent half an hour trying to inject me with contrast. First try (left forearm) failed entirely, followed by a collapsed vein (right forearm) on second go, though she did get about 5ccs in before it went, finally getting the rest in through my right wrist, which gave a good sting. I decided to watch the last time around, since I can always use the help getting used to such things. The butterfly needles they use are actually pretty cool, and really helped the nurse work on the angle best suited for injection - apparently my veins are both in a weird place and weirdly angled, such that she was really struggling for awhile there. It all went in just fine through the wrist, though, and they gave me a handy hotpack for the collapsed vein, which really helped reduce the stinging and stiffness.

MRI wasn't nearly as scary as my first, and I had my wits about me enough to ask for a copy for myself, which I'm really looking forward to. They then sent me for x-rays (one less thing to do on Thursday!) because my initial ones (which thankfully still garnered me a speedy diagnosis) weren't the right kind. This time around they took all but one while I was standing, some with my foot at a not very comfortable angle. I had to hook my toes under the edge of the table for the lying down one, also something I would expressly avoid in my general life. Still and all, looking forward to getting copies of those as well, for one so I can finally calculate the actual degree of my dysplasia and for two... well, because I think they're cool. :)

Sunday's yoga class was especially marvelous, and I learned to love reclining big toe pose (perhaps the worst pose name yet) and the benefits it provides. Had a totally weird sensory experience where, when I lowered the leg I'd started with it felt like it hit the floor about 6 inches below my other leg. Sort of like the opposite of when you stand in a doorway pressing your hands against it and when you walk out your arms lift up, you know? Also got into my shoulders really well with some link-your-fingers-behind-your-back business, all of which I was feeling (in the best possible way) yesterday when I played A FULL 18 HOLES OF DISC GOLF! Man, it was AWESOME! Such a gorgeous day and, rustiness aside, so wonderful to get out and about. I was definitely tired by the time we made it home, but not in a lot of pain, nor am I today. Fantastico!

It's a good thing I'm such a genius...

...since otherwise I'd have blithely contaminated my autologous blood donation with MRI contrast dye. Whoops! I was talking to my dad about it the other day and said "Huh - I wonder if I can donate blood after an MRI?" Turns out no, no I can't! (Add to the bulging "Glad I Asked" file.) So now I'm driving down to Waltham tomorrow for the sole purpose of an MRI that I could have just as easily had within a 10 mile radius of my home. Best laid plans! Hopefully, though, having one less blood donation (I'm still scheduled for one after my pre-op next Thursday) won't pose too much of a problem - if need be, I can just get some anonymous blood when the time comes.

Today, however, the positive far outweighs the irritating, as last night I not only accomplished tree pose while standing on my left leg but I also DID A HEADSTAND! Ehm... except my headstand also involved assistance from Anjali and a wall (not pictured). :) But still, pretty incredible! The theme of last night's class was celebration, and we had a fine time celebrating each other's small accomplishments, including doing this crazy line of tree poses with the person next to you supporting your extended foot. And not one person toppled to the ground! It was splendid.

Yoga is medicine.

Jennifer said that yesterday when we were talking before (and during) my massage - she's noticed some real progress in my psoas and my ability to release them with her assistance. I notice that it doesn't hurt like a BASTARD when she touches them! I told her about my new persistent front-of-the-thigh pain and she immediately pinpointed it as the rectus femoris muscle (can't tell you how much I love these wiki illustrations). Turns out my work with Dr. Hoo has so loosened up my sacral region that the increased motion of my pelvis (*insert Beavis & Butthead snickers here*) has caused ol' rectus femoris to brace, just like my gluts were doing when my lower back first started loosening up. Jennifer completely eliminated the pain, though, at least through today, and when working on my shoulders had to ask which one had been bothering me - whereas 2 weeks ago the left shoulderblade was noticeably further away from the midline.

This change I definitely credit to the inclusion of yoga in my healing trifecta - we did camel pose (especially like the arrows and butt squiggle in this illustration) Sunday and a bunch of other arm things that I was surely feeling come Monday morning. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't sad/frustrated that I have to give it all up for probably 2 months at least, but heartened that I've gotten this far even with my hip issues. Just imagine what I'll be able to do post-op! Bad ass.

Oh yeah and guess what?! Blue Cross is actually paying for my PAO! Woot! Got the official letter yesterday, just in time for my MRI and first autologous blood donation on Friday. I'm not too anxious about all that - next Thursday is the real big push, pre-op, blood donation, x-rays, PT, Dr. Kim - it's going to be a long day, made longer by the fact that I can't head down til that morning, and my first appointment's at 7:45am! Best laid plans!

Monday night I was panicking something fierce (realizing that I don't stress out, I stress in, if that makes sense to anyone besides me) but yesterday's adjustment and massage combo (and the introspection it allows) set my mind right again. Back to the yoga studio this evening, which should calm me back down to baseline. All in all, I'm feeling pretty well blessed today. :)

4 weeks!

Ah, but who's counting?! :) Holy eff that's soon. The delectable yogurt I had for breakfast this morning had a June 10th expiry date and I was like "Aw MAN!" haha Just can't escape it!

Well I cleaned my parents' storagey ex-garage area for 5 straight hours on Mothers Day (because I just love my mom THAT much!) and have been fairly stiff and miserably ever since. Add to that a mega faculty meeting yesterday facilitated by my newly-trained cutie freshmen, which precluded me from an adjustment, and work at the store after school today which precludes yoga and I'm definitely feeling it. But tomorrow I'll be adjusted and Friday and Sunday yogafied, and trust I will then get back on track.

Insurance frustration continues unabated, after learning last week that my request for Prior Approval was denied because I didn't get a second opinion in-network (even though they granted my Prior Approval for a second opinion from Dr. Kim [but who am I to try to apply logic to the insurance industry?!]). The first Blue Cross dude I talked to told me I should get a letter from Dr. Bean explaining that nobody in Vermont does PAOs - information apparently left out of the original paperwork - but when I actually got the letter and called again (talking to a different person - this always yields a different answer, I've found) the woman told me that what I really needed was for Dr. Bean to set up a peer-to-peer review with Blue Cross's boss doctor person in order to set things straight. Apparently the former approach would have required me to appeal the decision, which could take weeks (and I've only got four left, in case you'd forgotten!), whereas peer-to-peer would garner a decision immediately. Um... allegedly. Alas BC has no record of Dr. Bean having made an appointment to talk to said boss doctor person and my calls to Green Mountain Orthopedics Friday and today are as yet unreturned.

Oh well, worst case scenario I just have to pay a couple thou for this grand surgical adventure! No biggie, right?!

"These stones that break your bones will build the altar of your love"

That's from a Lynn Park poem that Anjali read at the close of both Wednesday and today's yoga class, the theme of which was "cultivating your garden". As such, we tilled the (proverbial) soil of our garden by focusing on the feet, legs and hips, which is just dandy for me! We did some "toe-ga" (yes, that's yoga for your toes) and Wednesday even rocked Hanuman pose (Hanuman's a monkey - no tail necessary to complete the pose), though nobody in the class could master it without some sort of prop under them - I managed with a mere 2 blocks and was quite proud of myself! Add to the growing list of things I can do that heretofore I feared might snap my leg off at the root.

With the theme of cultivating one's garden, we were asked to identify one trait we'd like to cultivate in ourselves and one "invasive" we'd like to weed from our (again, proverbial) garden. I had a little trouble focusing on something on Wednesday, but this morning settled quickly on breathing out doubt and breathing in ease. Ah... am I starting to sound like a lunatic here? ha! Well, no matter, doubt and ease it was, and continued to be throughout the session. Today was the first day a couple of the poses really clicked for me and, though I'm still dripping sweat throughout the middle portion of the 90 minutes, I'm definitely going deeper into my practice (as they say) with each class. When we were done Anjali put out some sort of yoga-based intention cards or somesuch and invited us to choose one. Much as I'm not any sort of fan of divination, I like exercises like this (thinking back specifically to an AmeriCorps end-of-year meeting where I was struggling with a lot of frustration and picked "Delight", which completely turned my attitude on its head). I picked a card with a nice spring green border and discovered that it said "Trust". How fitting!

Hmmm... and I have some ranting to do about insurance, but will save it for another day (when hopefully the issue has been resolved!) so as not to disrupt my Positive Mental Attitude! :)

(I tried unsuccessfully to find an image of the card I pulled, but did uncover this which should suffice for ending this post on a high note. hahaha!)

My spine's having a pity party.

Okay, first off let me say that today's Astronomy Picture of the Day (at left) is one of the coolest they've ever had - check it out!

Right, so my reevaluation with Dr. Matt on Monday was a grand success - I've made excellent progress both in Spinal Range of Motion and Spinal Tissue Stress, though my Spinal Cord Tension still lags behind. The pattern I'm exhibiting in the base of my spine, he told me, is one generally associated with a "pity party" (I believe that's the medical term). I had to laugh to myself when I realized that earlier I'd been gazing at the spine model in their office thinking "My poor spine", something I think often these days. But now is the time to toss out that attitude in favor of appreciating my body's resiliency in the face of trauma and how far I've come in the past 6 months of chiropractic care. I asked Matt what he thought about my surgery and he was very reassuring, pointing out that PMA is the most important part of a speedy recovery. And I thought "PMwhat?" before realizing he meant "Positive Mental Attitude". ha!

Turns out my pelvic sway is also gone, though it was still evident at my first reevaluation at the beginning of the year. For better or worse I think this change can be credited to the increased discomfort (or at least change in comfort) in my right hip, which until now has been protected by the sway. I haven't really let myself entertain the notion of an RPAO next year, instead focusing on how this shift (and the attendant benefits to my alignment) will aid in the healing process post-op.

I had a very nice massage yesterday with Jennifer, though for some reason it was really difficult for her to access the psoas and iliacus on both sides like she usually does. Instead she spent most of our time working on my left shoulder, pointing out (or rather confirming) that the shoulderblade doesn't quite sit right on that side. She found a staggering amount of tension in the lat(issimus dorsi) and again in the teres, which we'd done some work with before. (I love this diagram!) When she got to the iliac crest I involuntarily started to squirm. It's amazing how much tension we can carry in our bodies without even realizing it! I'm feeling pretty dandy today, though - definitely sore on the left side of my back, but looser than I have any recollection of being before. Looking forward to yoga tonight, when I can give my new range of motion a spin!

I've been thinking a lot since my conversation with Dr. Matt (who says he's not a counselor of any sort, but I know otherwise!) about what exactly I'm afraid of and, perhaps not surprising to those of you who know me, it's really about loss of control. For the past year I feel like I've really taken charge of my life, and now five weeks from today (shit, just realized it's Wednesday!) I'm basically flinging myself off a cliff. However, in honor of my new "PMA", I will acknowlege that I have a lot of cushioning, in the form of my parents, my friends, the knowledge (and dare I say wisdom??) I've gained since my diagnosis, to break my fall. Matt says the spinal cord tension is in part a result of the fight-or-flight response, which makes us curl in on ourselves. Given those two options, y'all know I'm not going to chose flight!

Don't get it twisted

A breakthrough! Last night I was performing my usual pre-sleep stretch-and-pop routine and happened to twist right into a spot on the left side of my spine that returned a sharp pain. I sort of "explored" it a little (Anjali, my yoga instructor, would like that) and found that I was able to "breathe into it" (Dr. Hoo would like THAT!) and, after just a few more twinges, relieve the tension. Woot! Now, you may think I'm crazy (already or as a consequence of the following statement), but that particular subluxation is something I've been feeling for at least a decade, and I suspect at the root of my left shoulder troubles. Once it released last night I spent the next 20 or so minutes rolling my shoulders (repeated crunching sounds gone) and swinging my tingling arm (which felt about an inch and a half longer) around like a loonie. Augustus was certainly confused.

My shoulderblade itself is still pretty tight this morning, but thankfully this afternoon I have an adjustment and my reevaluation at the Rushfords, so I can both crow about my progress and start working on the next level of... ah... flexibility, I guess. I feel like Hoo would call it something like "spinal freedom". :)

Yes, so this NSA/yoga/massage combo is really doing the trick! I haven't quite come to terms with the fact that I'm going to have to give it all up in 5 weeks for I don't know how long. Not quite sure how I'm going to swing that, but I'm so glad I've had the time I have to get my alignment in order, which can only help speed my recovery time.

And did I mention what a marvelous weekend I had? Good friends, good food, great music and just a general grand old time. I managed to stay off my feet enough to not get exhausted or increase my pain much at all, though the front of my hip (which is new) has been hurting pretty consistently over the past week and my limp has become noticeable. Well, more noticeable to me - I'm sure other people have been noticing it for some time now!

Oh and my mom finally read a blog! My folks have basically been ignoring everything I've sent them over the past year+, preferring the "The less we know the better" approach (which somewhat drives me insane, but that's neither here nor there!) but I finally hooked them with AKM's blog of her time in the hospital and post-op, so they can get some idea of what to expect. I'm proud of my mom - as scared as I am, it must be even worse for her to consider watching her only offspring go through all this, and facing it head-on is no easy task.

And, finally, after waiting on hold to the dulcent tones of a Muzak version of "Take My Breath Away", I want to wring the collective necks of Blue Cross/Blue Shield. Oh, they got the first part of the Prior Approval paperwork from Dr. Bean's office Friday, but the fax cut off so it needs to be sent again. Of course, they are the only people (psychics excepted) who actually KNEW that, because apparently it's not protocol to CALL the doctor when forms are incomplete. Chuckleheads.

Well, glad I asked!

So I called Blue Cross today because I still haven't heard back about my request for prior approval, which is supposed to take 3 business days and has taken more like a month - extreme even by insurance company delay standards. Annnddddd... they have no record of my request! Called the office of Dr. Bean, the orthopedist I initially consulted with at Central Vermont who made the referral to Boston, and their very kind medical records lady has a confirmation from Blue Cross that they received the fax of the necessary documentation. Apparently, though, it's disappeared into the hazy blue beyond and needs to be sent again. Long story short, I should be hearing next week about whether they approve this business or not. I'm sure I don't have to tell you that I will not be accepting a denial without a fight!

Meanwhile, I've been reading AKM's account of her PAO experience over at What's the Hip Fix? For those of you looking for some sense of what the hospital experience is going to be like for me, her account starts here and has really helped me understand more what to expect. Also a helpful primer for those of you considering visiting me in the hospital! :)

Happy May Day!

6 weeks!

Yipes. I actually just recounted on my calendar just to make sure I hadn't lost track somehow. ha!

Yep, and I'm scared. Had a dream the other night that somehow the surgery resulted not in loss of motion but loss of personality, and I woke up realizing how much more difficult it would be for me to adjust to being unable to express myself than to, say, being unable to walk. Thanks for that insight, unconscious! But, stomach-based butterflies aside, I feel like I've gotten over the wall of "I can't even conceive of this" to some semblance of being ready to just be done with it. Perspective is such a huge piece of that, and I'm so attuned to people with canes, walkers and wheelchairs that it's not hard to come by these days. I will be better for this surgery, and that's what's important, no matter how anxious the anticipation makes me. Or how pissy it makes me to think I might lose my piercings as a result. ;) (But MAN that's annoying!)

Last night Dr. Hoo commented on a great deal of tension in my shoulders, which I attributed to overdoing the arms-behind-the-back bits of yoga on Sunday, which I can't really do worth a dang and shan't be so enthusiastic about during this evening's class, surely! My adjustment was quite wonderful, thankfully, and cleared out a lot of tension at both ends of the spine. Last night and today, though, my hip has really bothered me for whatever reason - I'm telling myself it's a sign of some positive realignment and not the result of somehow grievously injuring myself in, say, a Pigeon Pose, for instance. :)

Gentle But Constant Marissa

Dr. Hoo said that about my breathing during my adjustment last week - pretty sure there's supposed to be a comma in there, too, but at the time it struck me as such a funny phrase, especially for readers who know me personally! I was on break all last week, and managed another Restorative Yoga class, an adjustment, a massage, my last private yoga session AND a spa day (thanks again Beverly!), as well as some general rest and relaxation. And listening to a LOT of live Avett Brothers. :)

Dar Williams once said at a show, talking about her meditation practice and her frustrations at not being able to let go of her thoughts, that she thought "I'm a bad Buddhist" so many times that it became, in effect, her meditation mantra. I think of that story often these days, as my overactive mind does its best to analyze and comment upon my every effort to shut it the heck up. I had a bit of a breakthrough, though, at Restorative last Sunday, where during my breathing out of stale air and breathing in of new lifeforce (and whatnot) this image suddenly popped into my head of an old house by the sea just open for the summer. Breathing out blows the dried leaves out through the open doors; breathing in draws in the breeze off the ocean and, somehow, breathes sunlight into the room. Doesn't make "rational" "sense", I know, but it works!

Of course, I'd be lying if I said I was able to bring this precision focus to my general yoga practice, because I'm still quite the newb in that regard. Last night I went to my first class with people other than Anjali, and it was a pretty grand success! Definitely a little hairy in the middle (seriously, chair pose, are you trying to kill me?!) and I was dripping sweat, but by the end (approximately 3 dozen Downward Dogs later) I was feeling great. And, though I ended all three of my private sessions with varying levels of muscle spasms in my thighs and a day or two of soreness thereafter, I was twitch-free last night and, some tightness in the backs of my legs aside, I'm right as rain today - woohoo! And did I mention I've even been doing PIGEON POSE?!? Ahahahaha (<--maniacal laughter) TAKE THAT HIPS!

Friday Afternoon in the Universe

Or at least the very small universe of ME! :) At long last, I have my second Anusara session with Anjali this afternoon, which I'm very much looking forward to - hope to sneak in another next week so I can start going to regular classes the following weekend. I overdid it a bit running around Burlington yesterday and am definitely feeling the effects, though I did score a sweet Vaude ultralight pack for a mere 20 bucks at the Gear Exchange after asking the dude for "like, the world's simplest backpack." It certainly is that, and crazy light to boot, as well as packing into its own pocket for handy travel (presumably AFTER I get off crutches).

Yeah, and now my leg hurts, not the usual psoas hurt I can deal with, but a nice new achy hurt in the front of my thigh, down the outside to my knee, which has really been bothering me. The last time I saw Jennifer she asked where my knee hurt and was surprised when I told her, as she'd been expecting something different. I'm beginning to wonder if there's actually something wrong with it, and it's not just referred pain, as I've been presuming lo these many months. Not that I really give a rap, as my officemate would say, because for now I've certainly got bigger proverbial fish to fry.

And I got a call yesterday that I need to have another MRI done before surgery (my first being nigh-on 9 months old), which thankfully I was able to book on the same day as my first autologous blood donation. Unfortunately I now have school committments the night before both of my pre-op days in Boston, so I'm going to have to go down the day of - especially tricky for my actual pre-op appointment at Beth Israel, which is at 7:45am! I guess at least it'll be slightly less crowded on 93 at 5 in the morning, right?! Oh, best laid plans!

But in 2 hours I'll be on break, and you sure can't shake a stick at that! In addition to my adjustment and massage next Wednesday, the fabulous Beverly, my former boss, is taking my buddy Linda and I for a SPA DAY on Friday, so I should be well and pampered out by the time I have to come back here. So (perhaps the last 3 paragraphs aside), can't complain!

8 weeks from today

*GULP!* Oh, it seems like just yesterday I was bitching about how long 9 months was! :) Still waiting for word from Blue Cross about whether I'm actually approved to go through with the thing, or whether I'll be paying out of pocket for this happy fun time elective procedure. Fingers crossed!

I have to say that lopsided Hip Hip Hooray cake really cracks me up - how appropriate! And you have to laugh, truly. Hoo spent much of my adjustment yesterday patting my neck with great concern, finally asking "Do you have some family stuff going on right now?" Why yes, yes I do! "Stuff" being "trying to determine if recuperating at my parents' house will actually drive me insane (even while heavily medicated)". At this point, to be honest, I'm leaning towards "it most certainly will", but am at a loss as to what my other options might be. *LE sigh*

Only 2 1/2 more school days til break! OHM shanti shanti shanti...

My Diagnosis is 1!

For. Real. 365 days ago this afternoon I'd never even heard of hip dysplasia, and by the evening I was googling like a fiend, trying to figure out what the heck I was actually up against. Oh, how far I've come since then, jeez, just in anatomical knowledge alone!

For once I am somewhat at a loss as to how to sum up the past year's transformation... suffice to say that today also marks 2 months until my periacetabular osteotomy (say it three times fast!) and I am equal parts confident in my assiduous preparation therefor and terrified of the consquences thereof that I can't possibly predict. Okay, maybe more parts terrified, depending on the day. :) But I know I'm in good hands, and I know that all the work I've done this year can only help improve my chances for a speedy recovery. I'm hoping I'll come out of it all thinking it wasn't nearly as big of a deal as I thought it would be!

I surely would not have made it this far without the support of my ever-expanding team of trusty medical professionals, the blogs of my fellow hipwomen and, most importantly, my friends who have endured 12 solid months of my rollercoaster obsession and all the compulsive information-sharing, shaky sanity, and occasional cane-wielding it has entailed. This summer is sure to be a tough one, but if you bear with me I promise to be much less of a stick in the mud thereafter. Much much MUCH love to you all!

My crutches came!

And they are PRETTY badass - just look at that ergonomic grip, that spring-loaded tip! They weigh a good bit less than my crappy old wooden ones, and are about a zillion times more comfortable, on first go-round. My master plan was to get some crutching practice in in the next couple months, but I don't know how realistic that is, at least in the confines of my apartment (perhaps on the porch?!). I will, though, be able to bring them down this weekend when I see my folks (and Chris and Liz!!!) and give them a spin around the house. Harley, their dog, hasn't seen me on crutches, and I'm really hoping he doesn't have the same reaction (growling, barking, spinning excitedly) that Farrah Dog had to them.

I had a delightful massage with the lovely Jennifer last night and when I told her about my first experience "flointing" she said "That's funny, I've never heard of flointing! I say 'plex'!" hahaha She tried a new, less invasive approach towards my psoas, such that I'm not nearly as bruisey today as I was the last time. Definitely still got in there, though! Man, she hit one spot on the inside rim of my hip socket that was like turning on a flashlight beam of numb relief across my uppermost thigh - it was pretty crazy! She also really got into the back of my psoas on the lefthand side, asking about lower back pain (so regular I've come to take it for granted) and commenting that I must have a very high tolerance for pain, which I suspect will come in handy in the near future!

Despite the alternate approach, the psoas work still definitely did the trick, and without the nausea I'd previously experienced after a massage. My stride feels more loose and fluid, something I've been increasingly able to achieve through the more "holistic approach" I've been taking towards healing of late. I actually used that term last night talking about the past few months with Jennifer, and rather surprised myself. If I start talking about chaneling my spirit animal, somebody please tell me it's time to get off the bus! :)

On those days (like yesterday, like today) when I find myself entertaining the notion that I might avoid the scalpel altogether, I take a step or I get up out of a chair and ZING! the invisible dysplasia demons drive an awl right into my hip socket. Dang demons!!! Some nerve they've got, reminding my I'm all fallible and shit!

I'm flointing!

Woohoo! Friday I had my first private session with Anjali at Yoga Mountain and it was quite excellent! Definitely a little awkward at first (especially once she turned off the music so she could hear my breathing!) but really something once I got focused on my body. I was most surprised at how much I could actually do - really just needed a couple of blankets and blocks to help modify some poses, and decided to do without altogether the balancing pose requiring me to stand on my left leg. Yeah, not gonna happen!

Wait, that was a lie - what was MOST surprising is that my arms are falling out of their sockets! Not far in Anjali said "Now let me just adjust your arms for you" and literally picked up my upper arm and placed it back into the socket. I didn't know you could do that! There were a few times she did the same with my legs, rotating the calves in and the thighs out because my knees were knocking in in a weird way - no doubt a result of the slight inversion of my left foot that Jennifer noticed, too, when she initially evaluated me. All of these adjustments felt just dandy at the time, and definitely altered my alignment for the better, but MAN did I feel them the next day!

Overall, though, Anjali said my alignment is pretty good - I just need to get more comfortable with the poses and to that end will be doing 2 more sessions just with her before joining her regular Level 1 Anusara class. I'm really looking forward to it - still kind of stunned by what I was able to do and how relaxed I felt immediately afterward (next day pains aside!). Seems like a perfect addition to my routine, so much so that I really wish I'd had the funds for it months ago!

Oh yeah, and flointing! At one point Anjali said "...and just floint your foot and stretch to the left" and I'm going "uh huh, uh huh, stretch to the left... wait. What?!" Apparently yoga instructors are prone to making up words, and this is Anjali's conflation of "flex" and "point". I must say I am an excellent flointer. :) Unfortunately I'm not able to schedule another session til next week, but with a massage tomorrow (YAY!) and an adjustment Thursday, I think I'll muddle through somehow!

Finally heard back Saturday from Erin, Dr. Kim's trusty PA (who just had knee surgery herself), about a couple of questions I had. Turns out all body jewelry is outlawed during surgery, which means both my tongue stud and my rook ring will have to be out for at least a few hours (still waiting to hear how soon I can put them back in) while I'm in the OR. This is slightly complicating because 1)there's a good chance that even after more than a decade, my tongue will heal in that short period of time and 2)I can't take my rook piercing out! I'll need to find a piercer to do it for me, and I have no idea how long that one can be out before it starts to close up. Curses! Of course my mom is triumphant (both she and my dad have said they will NOT be helping me put jewelry back in post-op) but I'm feeling torn at best. Would I have taken either piercing out anytime soon without surgery? No way. But would I go through another round of piercing to have them back? I don't think so. Arrrrr talk about unintended consequences! How frustrating.

Getting kitted up

My hip kit came yesterday! I was on the phone with Chris when I opened it and tried to explain to him what I was looking at. "Well, see, there's this grabber thing like old people have to get cans down off the top shelf, but it has this screw-like thing coming out the top of it and a plastic loopy thing that looks like something else might fit into it...? Like... this other hooky thing...?" haha And of course it doesn't come with any instructions like somehow I'm supposed to intuit how to be infirmed!

Definitely helped with the "making this feel real" aspect of pre-op life, though, I tell you what. Yeah, had a good bit of panic there for a minute or two! And let me give a big sarcastic "THANKS!" to whoever posted on hipwomen asking about the odds of DYING from a PAO. That's just the kind of thinking I need! Jeesh!

I'm hoping my crutches come before I head down to my folks house so I can see how getting around down there on them goes. Chris asked last night "Now, you're a damn dirty hippie, and it's going to be summer - shouldn't you be wearing sandals or something?" I was like "Agh I was just writing about that!" and he assured me that if I start wearing Crocs he will certainly be one of the first to mock me. Sadly I fear I will be prohibited from wearing the high-heeled version. :)

Balls!

No really!



Jennifer recommended I stretch my teres by using one of these handy balance balls. "Most people have one stuck in their closet somewhere - I know I do!", she said, and lo and behold I found one (still in the box) in my storage closet, courtesy of our school wellness program of probably 2 years ago. I'd forgotten I even had the thing! But I spent a good while last night listening to This American Life and balancing on my back on the thing, weirdest side effect being severe sciatic pain on my right side that I had to spend some time working through. Otherwise, though, just dandy, and my shoulders, though sore, are feeling good today. Unfortunately I wasn't able to swing the psoas-stretching poses she also recommended, either because I misremembered them or because I'm physically incapable of such things. I see her again next Tuesday, so we'll have to revisit that option!

Jennifer also recommended investing in a tennis ball to help work out my glute issues, but unless I'm mistaken it hasn't started bracing the left side again since last I saw her - hooray! Got an email today that my hip kit shipped, but my crutches are still "processing", so hopefully I'll see them sooner rather than later! Never thought I'd be so excited at age 29 about new crutches! :)

"Let the back of your skull soften... melting... like butter... onto the earth..."

Yeah Restorative Yoga! I spent 2 hours last night lying about on the floor like a mindfully-breathing lump, sneaking occasional glimpses out from behind my eye pillow to make sure I wasn't relaxing wrong. It was pretty sweet! I'm actually surprised by how little I was restricted in what I could do, though I determined that the pain I feel when sitting cross-legged is BAD really-you-shouldn't-do-this pain and not GOOD oh-stretch-out-that-unused-muscle pain. This is an important distinction!

But nothing else we did was too terrible, with the possible exception of the modified child's pose, which was a little touchy. I even accomplished the legs-up-the-wall pose (probably not its technical name), which felt quite nice on the old hips - apparently it gets one's lymph flowing differently with great results. Not quite sure why it never occurred to me before that "lymph" was actually something in my body... also not sure what I thought the lymph nodes did, but, hey, you learn something new every day!

Saturday I wore flip flops to the store because I just couldn't deal with socks. Oh flip flops how I have missed thee! And how I WILL miss thee in a couple of months when some well-meaning medical type tells me it's suicide to wear them while on crutches. It's a little scary how much of my time is spent wondering what shoes I'll be able to wear this summer, but is there such a thing as a comfortable supportive slip-on? That's not a Croc or some kind of Croc-type derivative? I just don't think I can swing plastic shoes. Fiddlesticks!

Investing in the future me.

Apparently that's what I've been doing lo these many months, or so says Dr. Matt to the news that, in addition to taking up therapeutic massage, I'm also starting instruction in Anusara yoga!

Man, it's been awhile since I've posted, and things are chugging along quite nicely, especially after my massage with Jennifer on Tuesday. I have to stop myself from snickering as I lay there on the warm table listening to peaceful jungle sounds, focusing on my breathing and thinking to myself "Ow! Bastard!" But psoas work HURTS, as does the teres work we started to try to address my shoulder issues. Yowsah. Still, though, usually when I'm sick I find myself thinking over and over again "I feel like death" and for the first time after my massage I thought "I feel like life!" It was great, and then the nausea set in, apparently a regular side effect of psoas work. It wasn't terrible, and I didn't actually... ah... expectorate, shall we say, but it lasted more than an hour and was rather unpleasant.

That said, however, my left side (extensive pelvic bruising aside) feels ace! The Psoas Book talks about how growth and motion happen in spirals (like fractal broccoli!) and I've been aware for some time of how my left leg does a little circle around itself with every step. Damndest thing being that, after my massage stretched my psoas out, I not only felt like my leg was an inch longer but also noticed that the spiral in my gait was gone, replaced by my left arm making circles out and away from me as I walked. Weeeiiirrrd! Cool, though, as I notice more and more the interrelation of all body parts, and especially how so much of the pain I've experienced is really rooted in the psoas. I told Dr. Hoo that yesterday and she said "Well, as a chiropractor I have a different interpretation of that, but that's your truth right now and you should embrace it!" haha So cute she is.

I never would have guessed how much dysplasia would turn me into some sort of new age nutter, but I'm ever-so-grateful John and Ali referred me to the Rushfords, the Rushfords to Jennifer, and Jennifer to Anjali, who runs Yoga Mountain in Montpelier. I'll be doing a 2-hour Restorative Yoga session there Sunday, which consists, as near as I can tell, of complete relaxed passivity while poses are achieved through the use of props and pillows. Sounds like just the thing I need! Next Friday I have a private Anusara lesson with Anjali so we can figure out what limitations I might have on my practice before joining her regular classes. Anusara is very rooted in anatomy, which should make it perfectly suited to my needs... or my body's needs, I guess...

Funny thing about the past near-year is how dramatically it's altered my relationship with my body. On Tuesday Jennifer noted how my lefthand glute was "bracing" (basically tensing indefinitely) to stabilize my hip, and as I started to sigh about more faulty musculature she paused a moment and said "Smart body!" And what a smart way of looking at it! Thank you, left butt, for trying to spare me some pain!

And did I mention it's looking decidedly Springy out these days?! SO very nice to walk around town without fearing for the life of my lower extremities. I'm itching to get out on the discgolf course, and bound and determined to get some good days in in the ever-shorter time I have before surgery. Ooh and tomorrow I'm going to order my crutches! And my hip kit, which is decidedly less exciting. I forget which medical professional it was that suggested, when I mentioned my dilemma about cleaning Augus's litter box when I'm on crutches, that I can use the hip kit grabber because it's got "such a good grip". ahahaha I'm hoping she intended that I use it to grab the litter scoop and not perhaps some more direct method!

Funny, too, how even though I can't remember who said that I can still pick a pronoun without hesitation - every person I've relied on through this whole process (with the exception of orthopedists Drs. Bean and Kim, but I've barely spent any time with them) has been a woman. Handy, since so much of their work has involved poking around my pelvis! I am truly truly grateful for their steady guidance, and for my own willingness to ask question after question, dig deep into research, and explore options I would never have considered a year ago. Yay me! Oh, and yay them, too. ;)

You do it to yourSELF, you do (and that's what really hurts)

I do believe I've finally cracked the code of what's wrong with my left shoulder and... it's me. The last time Hoo asked me "What happened here?" I said "Nothing that I'm conscious of" which made me think maybe I should be a bit MORE conscious of the area. Turns out I lean on it ALL the time, especially at work, and in less than a week of trying not to do such things unconsciously, I've already noticed a big difference. Still hurts, but it seems to be loosening up, which I suppose is to be expected once you stop pathologically injuring yourself!

Oooh and I got my Psoas Book! It's SUPERcool (aside from the glaring mistake in the dedication to her parents, without whose support the "second edition would not of been possible" - oh it just makes me cringe!) and, at first glance, really just just just what I needed. Can't wait to really get into it and start practicing the exercises therein. My next therapeutic massage is a week from tomorrow, and I hope Jennifer can see some change(s) for the better.

Hurdler

Well, I've cleared the tiniest of hurdles by scheduling my pre-op appointment at Beth Israel, one round of blood donation, and my x-rays and appointment with Dr. Kim - May 28th is going to be a LONG day! Still need to figure out my other autologous (that means for me and me alone!) blood donation, though, since I'll either need to make another trip to BI or pay for the Red Cross to ship it down for me, which insurance may or may not cover. The lady at the BI blood place said it cost "a pretty penny" but had no idea of a ballpark figure. We'll see - much as I don't mind driving to Boston, there's the issue of timing the donation as well (and that pesky "also going to work" problem) to contend with.

Meanwhile, I've begun the joy of dealing with Blue Cross on the matter, and spent a good 15 minutes doing battle with the damnable Request for Prior Approval pdf. Jeez! Talk about user hostile! Absolutely no rhyme or reason to when it would and wouldn't let me fill in a box. And the whole point of the thing is to fill in boxes! Grrr. I was also reminded yet again of the value of calling customer service at least twice, so you can get at least 2 different answers to your question! It's always been that way, and this instance was no different - one told me I needed a form for both my pre-op and surgery, and the other said I just needed one. The marvelous Annette told me, however, that I'd only need one, and that woman knows her stuff! Dealing with out-of-network insurance from at least 3 states on a regular basis - I don't envy her, but I'm sure glad to have her as a resource!

Ew, and my blood donation is supposed to take 90 MINUTES! Jiminy! Add to that the fact that the last time I donated blood the tech told me she'd never seen anyone's blood flow so slowly. Oh man, I am not looking forward to it!

It's 3 months from today

I try to refrain from too much swearing on here, but FUCK! That's some scary shit!

Left a message for the darling Annette today to schedule my pre-op, hung up and actually shuddered, going "Bluh-agh!" But I need to talk to her before I can talk to Blue Cross and then schedule at least a couple more massages with Jennifer and have put it off long enough already. Also have a note in to Yoga Mountain in town about getting into some Kripalu (the Moon Salutation of which Jennifer recommended for hip troubles) classes, so I'm looking forward to that, as well as to their monthly Restorative Yoga Sunday session, which I hope to catch soon.

Meanwhile, I've had some wicked anxiety dreams lately and have had a hard time sleeping in general (Augustus and his 5:30 breakfast wake up mewl is of no help there) - something I need to get a handle on sooner rather than later. Lousy overthinking brain!