Yeah Restorative Yoga! I spent 2 hours last night lying about on the floor like a mindfully-breathing lump, sneaking occasional glimpses out from behind my eye pillow to make sure I wasn't relaxing wrong. It was pretty sweet! I'm actually surprised by how little I was restricted in what I could do, though I determined that the pain I feel when sitting cross-legged is BAD really-you-shouldn't-do-this pain and not GOOD oh-stretch-out-that-unused-muscle pain. This is an important distinction!
But nothing else we did was too terrible, with the possible exception of the modified child's pose, which was a little touchy. I even accomplished the legs-up-the-wall pose (probably not its technical name), which felt quite nice on the old hips - apparently it gets one's lymph flowing differently with great results. Not quite sure why it never occurred to me before that "lymph" was actually something in my body... also not sure what I thought the lymph nodes did, but, hey, you learn something new every day!
Saturday I wore flip flops to the store because I just couldn't deal with socks. Oh flip flops how I have missed thee! And how I WILL miss thee in a couple of months when some well-meaning medical type tells me it's suicide to wear them while on crutches. It's a little scary how much of my time is spent wondering what shoes I'll be able to wear this summer, but is there such a thing as a comfortable supportive slip-on? That's not a Croc or some kind of Croc-type derivative? I just don't think I can swing plastic shoes. Fiddlesticks!
Monday, March 30, 2009
Friday, March 27, 2009
Investing in the future me.
Apparently that's what I've been doing lo these many months, or so says Dr. Matt to the news that, in addition to taking up therapeutic massage, I'm also starting instruction in Anusara yoga!
Man, it's been awhile since I've posted, and things are chugging along quite nicely, especially after my massage with Jennifer on Tuesday. I have to stop myself from snickering as I lay there on the warm table listening to peaceful jungle sounds, focusing on my breathing and thinking to myself "Ow! Bastard!" But psoas work HURTS, as does the teres work we started to try to address my shoulder issues. Yowsah. Still, though, usually when I'm sick I find myself thinking over and over again "I feel like death" and for the first time after my massage I thought "I feel like life!" It was great, and then the nausea set in, apparently a regular side effect of psoas work. It wasn't terrible, and I didn't actually... ah... expectorate, shall we say, but it lasted more than an hour and was rather unpleasant.
That said, however, my left side (extensive pelvic bruising aside) feels ace! The Psoas Book talks about how growth and motion happen in spirals (like fractal broccoli!) and I've been aware for some time of how my left leg does a little circle around itself with every step. Damndest thing being that, after my massage stretched my psoas out, I not only felt like my leg was an inch longer but also noticed that the spiral in my gait was gone, replaced by my left arm making circles out and away from me as I walked. Weeeiiirrrd! Cool, though, as I notice more and more the interrelation of all body parts, and especially how so much of the pain I've experienced is really rooted in the psoas. I told Dr. Hoo that yesterday and she said "Well, as a chiropractor I have a different interpretation of that, but that's your truth right now and you should embrace it!" haha So cute she is.
I never would have guessed how much dysplasia would turn me into some sort of new age nutter, but I'm ever-so-grateful John and Ali referred me to the Rushfords, the Rushfords to Jennifer, and Jennifer to Anjali, who runs Yoga Mountain in Montpelier. I'll be doing a 2-hour Restorative Yoga session there Sunday, which consists, as near as I can tell, of complete relaxed passivity while poses are achieved through the use of props and pillows. Sounds like just the thing I need! Next Friday I have a private Anusara lesson with Anjali so we can figure out what limitations I might have on my practice before joining her regular classes. Anusara is very rooted in anatomy, which should make it perfectly suited to my needs... or my body's needs, I guess...
Funny thing about the past near-year is how dramatically it's altered my relationship with my body. On Tuesday Jennifer noted how my lefthand glute was "bracing" (basically tensing indefinitely) to stabilize my hip, and as I started to sigh about more faulty musculature she paused a moment and said "Smart body!" And what a smart way of looking at it! Thank you, left butt, for trying to spare me some pain!
And did I mention it's looking decidedly Springy out these days?! SO very nice to walk around town without fearing for the life of my lower extremities. I'm itching to get out on the discgolf course, and bound and determined to get some good days in in the ever-shorter time I have before surgery. Ooh and tomorrow I'm going to order my crutches! And my hip kit, which is decidedly less exciting. I forget which medical professional it was that suggested, when I mentioned my dilemma about cleaning Augus's litter box when I'm on crutches, that I can use the hip kit grabber because it's got "such a good grip". ahahaha I'm hoping she intended that I use it to grab the litter scoop and not perhaps some more direct method!
Funny, too, how even though I can't remember who said that I can still pick a pronoun without hesitation - every person I've relied on through this whole process (with the exception of orthopedists Drs. Bean and Kim, but I've barely spent any time with them) has been a woman. Handy, since so much of their work has involved poking around my pelvis! I am truly truly grateful for their steady guidance, and for my own willingness to ask question after question, dig deep into research, and explore options I would never have considered a year ago. Yay me! Oh, and yay them, too. ;)
Man, it's been awhile since I've posted, and things are chugging along quite nicely, especially after my massage with Jennifer on Tuesday. I have to stop myself from snickering as I lay there on the warm table listening to peaceful jungle sounds, focusing on my breathing and thinking to myself "Ow! Bastard!" But psoas work HURTS, as does the teres work we started to try to address my shoulder issues. Yowsah. Still, though, usually when I'm sick I find myself thinking over and over again "I feel like death" and for the first time after my massage I thought "I feel like life!" It was great, and then the nausea set in, apparently a regular side effect of psoas work. It wasn't terrible, and I didn't actually... ah... expectorate, shall we say, but it lasted more than an hour and was rather unpleasant.
That said, however, my left side (extensive pelvic bruising aside) feels ace! The Psoas Book talks about how growth and motion happen in spirals (like fractal broccoli!) and I've been aware for some time of how my left leg does a little circle around itself with every step. Damndest thing being that, after my massage stretched my psoas out, I not only felt like my leg was an inch longer but also noticed that the spiral in my gait was gone, replaced by my left arm making circles out and away from me as I walked. Weeeiiirrrd! Cool, though, as I notice more and more the interrelation of all body parts, and especially how so much of the pain I've experienced is really rooted in the psoas. I told Dr. Hoo that yesterday and she said "Well, as a chiropractor I have a different interpretation of that, but that's your truth right now and you should embrace it!" haha So cute she is.
I never would have guessed how much dysplasia would turn me into some sort of new age nutter, but I'm ever-so-grateful John and Ali referred me to the Rushfords, the Rushfords to Jennifer, and Jennifer to Anjali, who runs Yoga Mountain in Montpelier. I'll be doing a 2-hour Restorative Yoga session there Sunday, which consists, as near as I can tell, of complete relaxed passivity while poses are achieved through the use of props and pillows. Sounds like just the thing I need! Next Friday I have a private Anusara lesson with Anjali so we can figure out what limitations I might have on my practice before joining her regular classes. Anusara is very rooted in anatomy, which should make it perfectly suited to my needs... or my body's needs, I guess...
Funny thing about the past near-year is how dramatically it's altered my relationship with my body. On Tuesday Jennifer noted how my lefthand glute was "bracing" (basically tensing indefinitely) to stabilize my hip, and as I started to sigh about more faulty musculature she paused a moment and said "Smart body!" And what a smart way of looking at it! Thank you, left butt, for trying to spare me some pain!
And did I mention it's looking decidedly Springy out these days?! SO very nice to walk around town without fearing for the life of my lower extremities. I'm itching to get out on the discgolf course, and bound and determined to get some good days in in the ever-shorter time I have before surgery. Ooh and tomorrow I'm going to order my crutches! And my hip kit, which is decidedly less exciting. I forget which medical professional it was that suggested, when I mentioned my dilemma about cleaning Augus's litter box when I'm on crutches, that I can use the hip kit grabber because it's got "such a good grip". ahahaha I'm hoping she intended that I use it to grab the litter scoop and not perhaps some more direct method!
Funny, too, how even though I can't remember who said that I can still pick a pronoun without hesitation - every person I've relied on through this whole process (with the exception of orthopedists Drs. Bean and Kim, but I've barely spent any time with them) has been a woman. Handy, since so much of their work has involved poking around my pelvis! I am truly truly grateful for their steady guidance, and for my own willingness to ask question after question, dig deep into research, and explore options I would never have considered a year ago. Yay me! Oh, and yay them, too. ;)
Monday, March 16, 2009
You do it to yourSELF, you do (and that's what really hurts)
I do believe I've finally cracked the code of what's wrong with my left shoulder and... it's me. The last time Hoo asked me "What happened here?" I said "Nothing that I'm conscious of" which made me think maybe I should be a bit MORE conscious of the area. Turns out I lean on it ALL the time, especially at work, and in less than a week of trying not to do such things unconsciously, I've already noticed a big difference. Still hurts, but it seems to be loosening up, which I suppose is to be expected once you stop pathologically injuring yourself!
Oooh and I got my Psoas Book! It's SUPERcool (aside from the glaring mistake in the dedication to her parents, without whose support the "second edition would not of been possible" - oh it just makes me cringe!) and, at first glance, really just just just what I needed. Can't wait to really get into it and start practicing the exercises therein. My next therapeutic massage is a week from tomorrow, and I hope Jennifer can see some change(s) for the better.
Oooh and I got my Psoas Book! It's SUPERcool (aside from the glaring mistake in the dedication to her parents, without whose support the "second edition would not of been possible" - oh it just makes me cringe!) and, at first glance, really just just just what I needed. Can't wait to really get into it and start practicing the exercises therein. My next therapeutic massage is a week from tomorrow, and I hope Jennifer can see some change(s) for the better.
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Hurdler
Well, I've cleared the tiniest of hurdles by scheduling my pre-op appointment at Beth Israel, one round of blood donation, and my x-rays and appointment with Dr. Kim - May 28th is going to be a LONG day! Still need to figure out my other autologous (that means for me and me alone!) blood donation, though, since I'll either need to make another trip to BI or pay for the Red Cross to ship it down for me, which insurance may or may not cover. The lady at the BI blood place said it cost "a pretty penny" but had no idea of a ballpark figure. We'll see - much as I don't mind driving to Boston, there's the issue of timing the donation as well (and that pesky "also going to work" problem) to contend with.
Meanwhile, I've begun the joy of dealing with Blue Cross on the matter, and spent a good 15 minutes doing battle with the damnable Request for Prior Approval pdf. Jeez! Talk about user hostile! Absolutely no rhyme or reason to when it would and wouldn't let me fill in a box. And the whole point of the thing is to fill in boxes! Grrr. I was also reminded yet again of the value of calling customer service at least twice, so you can get at least 2 different answers to your question! It's always been that way, and this instance was no different - one told me I needed a form for both my pre-op and surgery, and the other said I just needed one. The marvelous Annette told me, however, that I'd only need one, and that woman knows her stuff! Dealing with out-of-network insurance from at least 3 states on a regular basis - I don't envy her, but I'm sure glad to have her as a resource!
Ew, and my blood donation is supposed to take 90 MINUTES! Jiminy! Add to that the fact that the last time I donated blood the tech told me she'd never seen anyone's blood flow so slowly. Oh man, I am not looking forward to it!
Meanwhile, I've begun the joy of dealing with Blue Cross on the matter, and spent a good 15 minutes doing battle with the damnable Request for Prior Approval pdf. Jeez! Talk about user hostile! Absolutely no rhyme or reason to when it would and wouldn't let me fill in a box. And the whole point of the thing is to fill in boxes! Grrr. I was also reminded yet again of the value of calling customer service at least twice, so you can get at least 2 different answers to your question! It's always been that way, and this instance was no different - one told me I needed a form for both my pre-op and surgery, and the other said I just needed one. The marvelous Annette told me, however, that I'd only need one, and that woman knows her stuff! Dealing with out-of-network insurance from at least 3 states on a regular basis - I don't envy her, but I'm sure glad to have her as a resource!
Ew, and my blood donation is supposed to take 90 MINUTES! Jiminy! Add to that the fact that the last time I donated blood the tech told me she'd never seen anyone's blood flow so slowly. Oh man, I am not looking forward to it!
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
It's 3 months from today
I try to refrain from too much swearing on here, but FUCK! That's some scary shit!
Left a message for the darling Annette today to schedule my pre-op, hung up and actually shuddered, going "Bluh-agh!" But I need to talk to her before I can talk to Blue Cross and then schedule at least a couple more massages with Jennifer and have put it off long enough already. Also have a note in to Yoga Mountain in town about getting into some Kripalu (the Moon Salutation of which Jennifer recommended for hip troubles) classes, so I'm looking forward to that, as well as to their monthly Restorative Yoga Sunday session, which I hope to catch soon.
Meanwhile, I've had some wicked anxiety dreams lately and have had a hard time sleeping in general (Augustus and his 5:30 breakfast wake up mewl is of no help there) - something I need to get a handle on sooner rather than later. Lousy overthinking brain!
Left a message for the darling Annette today to schedule my pre-op, hung up and actually shuddered, going "Bluh-agh!" But I need to talk to her before I can talk to Blue Cross and then schedule at least a couple more massages with Jennifer and have put it off long enough already. Also have a note in to Yoga Mountain in town about getting into some Kripalu (the Moon Salutation of which Jennifer recommended for hip troubles) classes, so I'm looking forward to that, as well as to their monthly Restorative Yoga Sunday session, which I hope to catch soon.
Meanwhile, I've had some wicked anxiety dreams lately and have had a hard time sleeping in general (Augustus and his 5:30 breakfast wake up mewl is of no help there) - something I need to get a handle on sooner rather than later. Lousy overthinking brain!
Monday, March 9, 2009
I'd rather be in Denali than in denial
But somehow, even though my life has been dysplasia-centric for nearly a year now, I still have moments where I think "Hey, I'm okay! Maybe I won't have to have surgery after all!" Then I have to remind myself of all I've done, changed, and given up in the past 11 months in order to get to this point and I think "Curses!" :)
I mean, I AM okay, most days, because I do my PT, I have my adjustments, I curtail my natural tendency to walk fast and far, I never run and I've minced around all winter (when not hermitted away in my apartment) intent on staying upright. I need to remind myself of that, and of the prickly fact that if I hadn't finally gone to the doctor last spring and found out what the heck was going on, I would have lost the ability to walk unassisted months ago. Hmph. And who among us couldn't use a little humbling every now and again?!
I mean, I AM okay, most days, because I do my PT, I have my adjustments, I curtail my natural tendency to walk fast and far, I never run and I've minced around all winter (when not hermitted away in my apartment) intent on staying upright. I need to remind myself of that, and of the prickly fact that if I hadn't finally gone to the doctor last spring and found out what the heck was going on, I would have lost the ability to walk unassisted months ago. Hmph. And who among us couldn't use a little humbling every now and again?!
Friday, March 6, 2009
Stupid Spring
They say that the mind of a woman is able to dull the memory of childbirth almost immediately, such that at some time in the future a mother might, you know, want to actually give birth again - thus ensuring the propagation of the human race. I suspect Vermonters have a similarly evolved mindwipe for the trials and tribulations of winter - it's the only way I can explain how every year (coming up on thirty now!) I somehow convince myself that "the end of February" equals "Spring", when of course it surely does not! Oh no, what the beginning of March really means is "icy death trap"! Man, it's scary out there - for dysplastics and... uh... regularplastics? alike. At least I don't feel alone in my Fearful Penguin Walk of Hesitancy around town. Jeesh! Say it with me now: "I WILL not fall I WILL not fall I WILL not fall!"
(This post brought to you by my hero, Tacky the Penguin)
(This post brought to you by my hero, Tacky the Penguin)
Thursday, March 5, 2009
I build my house with bricks!
Right! So I've been on February break, and thus neglecting this place and my dedicated fan(s). :) Basically spent a week sleeping, which was grand, though I was also lucky enough to have my first therapeutic massage with Jennifer Harris, who Dr. Hoo had recommended to me. Jennifer's actually a chemical engineer by trade, but also teaches yoga and gives a mean psoas massage. Hoo-boy!
I'd never had a massage before and was a little nervous, but Jennifer was (and is!) great and was so excited to do psoas work - her favorite muscle! She warned me that she'd never normally do psoas work in the first session because, um, it really hurts! But promised we'd finish with some nice luxurious pampering to make up for it. And man did it hurt - she got right into both the front and back of both sides and I walked away with a nice big bruise across my pelvis. Of course, I also walked away without any hip pain for about 5 days, which is pretty much unheard of, and for the first time slept comfortably on my back - something I need to get used to for after surgery.
We also talked yoga, which Hoo thinks might solve my problems (at least hip-wise) altogether, and Jennifer recommended a series she thought might help. She also told me about The Psoas Book (neat graphic, eh?), which I didn't even know existed - it's not in print anymore, but I'm anxiously awaiting my used copy. The more I learn about the psoas, the more I understand how much of my pain is rooted in them - nearly all, I'd say, or actually all, barring the pain I experience when I turn funny or step on it wrong. Jennifer also commented that my right and left psoas feel very differently (though she was able to "release" both of them) - a comment I didn't pursue at the time, because I was focussing on not yelling "OW!", but will talk with her more about at our next session (by which time I'll have my hands on my book). Oh, and apparently I'm a "great breather" - having just come from an adjustment at the time, I told her she was getting my best breath of the week! And when you're done she gives you chocolate - clearly the woman is an angel.
Ehm... and what the heck else has been going on? Tuesday I had a really fine adjustment with Dr. Hoo - after my seated work I laid back down and my fingers touched the floor! It's weird, the first thing to go after my massage was my stupid left shoulderblade - I don't get it! It's my RIGHT shoulder that's supposed to be compensating for my left hip! I guess I blame my old torn right subscapularis (thanks TRAVIS!) somehow making the left one compensate for its... lack of compensation? Oh, human body, what a mystery you are!
And my folks won't be staying with me in the hospital - that's been determined for certain. I think at best I'll get the day of surgery with them, but then they'll head back home til I'm released. I floated the question of in-hospital support to the ladies of hipwomen, and got predictably mixed replies, basically summing up with that I needed to decide what I wanted. Well, I don't know what I'll want - I have no idea how I'll react to the whole experience, let alone the chemical cocktail burning through my bloodstream. But, really, I've come this far alone (invaluable web help aside!), so I might as well just keep on keeping on. Ugh, which reminds me - I need to schedule my pre-op and call the dang insurance company! How strange that I put that off during vacation! ;) I'll go ahead and blame Season 5 of Curb, which I found intact on my computer, unbeknownst to me. What a happy surprise!
I'd never had a massage before and was a little nervous, but Jennifer was (and is!) great and was so excited to do psoas work - her favorite muscle! She warned me that she'd never normally do psoas work in the first session because, um, it really hurts! But promised we'd finish with some nice luxurious pampering to make up for it. And man did it hurt - she got right into both the front and back of both sides and I walked away with a nice big bruise across my pelvis. Of course, I also walked away without any hip pain for about 5 days, which is pretty much unheard of, and for the first time slept comfortably on my back - something I need to get used to for after surgery.
We also talked yoga, which Hoo thinks might solve my problems (at least hip-wise) altogether, and Jennifer recommended a series she thought might help. She also told me about The Psoas Book (neat graphic, eh?), which I didn't even know existed - it's not in print anymore, but I'm anxiously awaiting my used copy. The more I learn about the psoas, the more I understand how much of my pain is rooted in them - nearly all, I'd say, or actually all, barring the pain I experience when I turn funny or step on it wrong. Jennifer also commented that my right and left psoas feel very differently (though she was able to "release" both of them) - a comment I didn't pursue at the time, because I was focussing on not yelling "OW!", but will talk with her more about at our next session (by which time I'll have my hands on my book). Oh, and apparently I'm a "great breather" - having just come from an adjustment at the time, I told her she was getting my best breath of the week! And when you're done she gives you chocolate - clearly the woman is an angel.
Ehm... and what the heck else has been going on? Tuesday I had a really fine adjustment with Dr. Hoo - after my seated work I laid back down and my fingers touched the floor! It's weird, the first thing to go after my massage was my stupid left shoulderblade - I don't get it! It's my RIGHT shoulder that's supposed to be compensating for my left hip! I guess I blame my old torn right subscapularis (thanks TRAVIS!) somehow making the left one compensate for its... lack of compensation? Oh, human body, what a mystery you are!
And my folks won't be staying with me in the hospital - that's been determined for certain. I think at best I'll get the day of surgery with them, but then they'll head back home til I'm released. I floated the question of in-hospital support to the ladies of hipwomen, and got predictably mixed replies, basically summing up with that I needed to decide what I wanted. Well, I don't know what I'll want - I have no idea how I'll react to the whole experience, let alone the chemical cocktail burning through my bloodstream. But, really, I've come this far alone (invaluable web help aside!), so I might as well just keep on keeping on. Ugh, which reminds me - I need to schedule my pre-op and call the dang insurance company! How strange that I put that off during vacation! ;) I'll go ahead and blame Season 5 of Curb, which I found intact on my computer, unbeknownst to me. What a happy surprise!
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