Friday, February 20, 2009
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
My hip hurts
Really you'd think I'd have a lot more posts with that title. :)
I don't know what it is lately, but the pain in my left hip has shifted and intensified the past couple weeks. I still have stretches of time where I'm fine, but when I'm not I'm REALLY not, and end up wincing and limping around for awhile. Heat definitely helps, though I gave myself a nice high-thigh steam burn with my beloved therabelt the other day - perhaps a bit too ambitious with the microwaving! It's weird, though, when I can get my hip to really relax, I feel it all the way up to my neck - similar to how when I walk I can often feel/hear a clicking at the base of my skull in time with my left leg's movements. Freaky!
I had a really good adjustment with Dr. Hoo yesterday, though, and feel like I've reached a new level of understanding with/of my spine (dear god that sounds new-agey!) - it's interesting how the process makes you so hyperaware of your body, similar to (though surely not as constricting as) an MRI. Hoo forewent the psoas adjustment(s) yesterday because she was "finding some new tension" - I suspect the combined result of my semi-murderous rage towards a coworker and my ever-increasing awareness of the impending reality of surgery. I really was pretty fine with it for the first 4 months or so, but for some reason it's been hitting me hard lately - probably because I need to start the funtimes insurance dance on the matter and get my pre-op stuff set up with Annette, Dr. Kim's very kind scheduler.
I saw Janice, my nutritionist, for probably the last time yesterday - she was blown away by my cholesterol results and we talked goal weight for surgery, all the good stuff I can eat to get my blood good and strong pre-op and the good stuff I can eat post-op to get my bone and tissue healing and my body back on track. And we talked about poop - you'd be surprised how much I talk to relative strangers about poop these days. We also talked meal plans, both in the hospital and at my folks house when I get out - a piece that's a little scary for me since every time I go home I dig through their kitchen and wonder "What the hell do you EAT?!" I'm going to get grocery lists and meal plans together for my mama to (hopefully) follow and start cooking extra soups and such to freeze for when I finally do make it back to my apartment... not that I feel I'll be strongly moved to eat soup in July, but what can you do?!
Oh yeah, and Hoo thinks I might heal my infirmity with yoga. She's really not too keen on the surgical option. So next week I'm going to try to see the massage therapist she recommended, who can also advise me on poses that are (and aren't) good for me. My master plan is to have a mini-spa day for myself Monday, going to the pool in the morning, then up to Burlington to see the masseuse, the finally to Hoo for an adjustment. Ah, I can't wait for break!
My mom's also floated the idea of a "dry run" to Boston next Friday, I guess to see if she can navigate the city and to assess her rooming options while I'm in hospital. I am frankly terrified to be in car driven by her in or even near Boston, but hopefully she'll assent to maybe going the T route for this first outing. Which of course would necessitate a goodly bit of walking, so... we shall see. I doubt she'll want to come drool with me over the new Shepard Fairey exhibit in town. :)
I don't know what it is lately, but the pain in my left hip has shifted and intensified the past couple weeks. I still have stretches of time where I'm fine, but when I'm not I'm REALLY not, and end up wincing and limping around for awhile. Heat definitely helps, though I gave myself a nice high-thigh steam burn with my beloved therabelt the other day - perhaps a bit too ambitious with the microwaving! It's weird, though, when I can get my hip to really relax, I feel it all the way up to my neck - similar to how when I walk I can often feel/hear a clicking at the base of my skull in time with my left leg's movements. Freaky!
I had a really good adjustment with Dr. Hoo yesterday, though, and feel like I've reached a new level of understanding with/of my spine (dear god that sounds new-agey!) - it's interesting how the process makes you so hyperaware of your body, similar to (though surely not as constricting as) an MRI. Hoo forewent the psoas adjustment(s) yesterday because she was "finding some new tension" - I suspect the combined result of my semi-murderous rage towards a coworker and my ever-increasing awareness of the impending reality of surgery. I really was pretty fine with it for the first 4 months or so, but for some reason it's been hitting me hard lately - probably because I need to start the funtimes insurance dance on the matter and get my pre-op stuff set up with Annette, Dr. Kim's very kind scheduler.
I saw Janice, my nutritionist, for probably the last time yesterday - she was blown away by my cholesterol results and we talked goal weight for surgery, all the good stuff I can eat to get my blood good and strong pre-op and the good stuff I can eat post-op to get my bone and tissue healing and my body back on track. And we talked about poop - you'd be surprised how much I talk to relative strangers about poop these days. We also talked meal plans, both in the hospital and at my folks house when I get out - a piece that's a little scary for me since every time I go home I dig through their kitchen and wonder "What the hell do you EAT?!" I'm going to get grocery lists and meal plans together for my mama to (hopefully) follow and start cooking extra soups and such to freeze for when I finally do make it back to my apartment... not that I feel I'll be strongly moved to eat soup in July, but what can you do?!
Oh yeah, and Hoo thinks I might heal my infirmity with yoga. She's really not too keen on the surgical option. So next week I'm going to try to see the massage therapist she recommended, who can also advise me on poses that are (and aren't) good for me. My master plan is to have a mini-spa day for myself Monday, going to the pool in the morning, then up to Burlington to see the masseuse, the finally to Hoo for an adjustment. Ah, I can't wait for break!
My mom's also floated the idea of a "dry run" to Boston next Friday, I guess to see if she can navigate the city and to assess her rooming options while I'm in hospital. I am frankly terrified to be in car driven by her in or even near Boston, but hopefully she'll assent to maybe going the T route for this first outing. Which of course would necessitate a goodly bit of walking, so... we shall see. I doubt she'll want to come drool with me over the new Shepard Fairey exhibit in town. :)
Saturday, February 14, 2009
Only in dreeeeeaaaaams!
Yesterday I was feeling pretty poorly, so I came home from school early and slept for 5 hours, after which I was up for 3 then slept for another 10. Not only did I dream of Deadwood's Swearengen (Ian McShane) but also of the same weird amorphous group of strangers I'd gone for a shoeless dream walk with the other night (apparently now medical residents). I'd been mulling over my ever-closer-looming surgery before falling asleep (which I'm going to endeavor NOT to do in the future!) and dreamt of a sort of protracted pre-op appointment (in a room full of said strangers) in which my anxiety just grew and grew until part of the evaluation involved turning my leg in a painful manner and I just lost it. Thankfully my med student stranger-friends seemed rather nonplussed, and the scenery outside the examining room was a serene mountain lake. So... that was cool. :)
I think reality's sinking in a little quicker with the unconscious than with my waking brain. For better or worse!
I think reality's sinking in a little quicker with the unconscious than with my waking brain. For better or worse!
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Some funny things have occurred to me lately...
Like I don't like hospitals. Poor John's stuck in Fletcher Allen right now thanks to his psychotic cat, and I entertained the notion of visiting him for about .3 seconds before getting that ooky feeling in my stomach hospitals always give me. Then it took about another .3 seconds for me to realize that in 4 months time (less a day!) I'll be living in one for probably a week. Hm... perhaps a fear I should address sooner rather than later!
A woman I'd just met asked me recently how I knew there was something wrong with my hips, and I had this weird cognitive dissonance for a minute. "Um... because they hurt like hell!" So funny how I've come to take the pain for granted - nobody'd asked me that before and I guess I thought it went without saying!
And because my brain works on anniversaries and countdowns, I have these odd moments lately of "Next year at this time..." as compared to "Last year at this time..." Last year at this time I was pretty much useless, drinking a lot of wine and generally being a sadsack. Not to mention being unable to walk down the hall when I got up from my desk and having no idea why. As such, it's rather edifying to think that next year at this time I'll be cured! Maybe. Hopefully. :) I've had to wait so long between diagnosis and surgery that it seems a real blessing to be able to number my crippled days at anything less than 365. These days it also seems like a blessing to be able to walk without a cane, make my own meals, and put on my own dang pants - things I fear I'm going to be longing for something fierce come this summer.
I missed my appointment with Dr. Hoo yesterday because the weather was iffy, but otherwise am feeling very well in the spine region. I've had three psoa adjustments on the left side and two on the right, and it's made quite the difference. For the first time (ever, I think) I've been able to crack the left side of my lower back, and my right side doesn't even need to crack anymore - amazing! My left shoulder has been steadily relaxing over time, and my neck and shoulders seem to be cricking and creaking their way back into place. What's really amazing (and one of the biggest benefits of NSA) is how now those crackings have a finite end - once I've done it a few times, that area's pretty much set, or can adjust itself, at least, without my conscious input. Incredible! My posture is better than ever, my pain is decreasing, my head is clear (well, as clear as one can hope for!) and my sleep is heavenly. Though I still have the weird dreams - last night being a long walk in a strange city with people walking much too fast for me. And I'd forgotten my shoes. :) Sometimes the symbols of the subconscious aren't THAT hard to riddle out!
I've started (compulsively) watching Deadwood, which has yielded yet another mantra for my dysplastic journey (along with Larry David's cane explanation "Fell in the toilet." hahaha) - this one from the wonderful dancing scene between Doc and Jewel. "I'm as nimble as a forest creature!" (In my mind the squirrel below is going "Eh!")
A woman I'd just met asked me recently how I knew there was something wrong with my hips, and I had this weird cognitive dissonance for a minute. "Um... because they hurt like hell!" So funny how I've come to take the pain for granted - nobody'd asked me that before and I guess I thought it went without saying!
And because my brain works on anniversaries and countdowns, I have these odd moments lately of "Next year at this time..." as compared to "Last year at this time..." Last year at this time I was pretty much useless, drinking a lot of wine and generally being a sadsack. Not to mention being unable to walk down the hall when I got up from my desk and having no idea why. As such, it's rather edifying to think that next year at this time I'll be cured! Maybe. Hopefully. :) I've had to wait so long between diagnosis and surgery that it seems a real blessing to be able to number my crippled days at anything less than 365. These days it also seems like a blessing to be able to walk without a cane, make my own meals, and put on my own dang pants - things I fear I'm going to be longing for something fierce come this summer.
I missed my appointment with Dr. Hoo yesterday because the weather was iffy, but otherwise am feeling very well in the spine region. I've had three psoa adjustments on the left side and two on the right, and it's made quite the difference. For the first time (ever, I think) I've been able to crack the left side of my lower back, and my right side doesn't even need to crack anymore - amazing! My left shoulder has been steadily relaxing over time, and my neck and shoulders seem to be cricking and creaking their way back into place. What's really amazing (and one of the biggest benefits of NSA) is how now those crackings have a finite end - once I've done it a few times, that area's pretty much set, or can adjust itself, at least, without my conscious input. Incredible! My posture is better than ever, my pain is decreasing, my head is clear (well, as clear as one can hope for!) and my sleep is heavenly. Though I still have the weird dreams - last night being a long walk in a strange city with people walking much too fast for me. And I'd forgotten my shoes. :) Sometimes the symbols of the subconscious aren't THAT hard to riddle out!
I've started (compulsively) watching Deadwood, which has yielded yet another mantra for my dysplastic journey (along with Larry David's cane explanation "Fell in the toilet." hahaha) - this one from the wonderful dancing scene between Doc and Jewel. "I'm as nimble as a forest creature!" (In my mind the squirrel below is going "Eh!")
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
BOW BEFORE ME CHOLESTEROL!
Went in this morning to get the results from my labs. My good cholesterol is up from 54 to 74 and bad down from 146 to 108! OH BURN, CHOLESTEROL!!! Additionally, my menacing triglycerides are down from 190 to 83, and I'm feeling pretty... pretty... pretty good! Definitely not too shabby for over the crazy holidays, and I'm sure I would have done even better if I'd been able to stick to my pool regimen over the past couple months. Pretty much impossible, though, between school and holidays - I'll be glad to get back into the regular swing of things.
The pool yesterday was great (and HOT!), though it was hard not to stretch out my shoulder, if only through the regular motions of my exercises. It's feeling a lot looser than it has in months, though, so I'm very interested to see what Dr. Hoo has to say about the state of things this evening. I also have what I presume to be a junkie's tingling anticipation of the relief of cracking the damn thing already!
The pool yesterday was great (and HOT!), though it was hard not to stretch out my shoulder, if only through the regular motions of my exercises. It's feeling a lot looser than it has in months, though, so I'm very interested to see what Dr. Hoo has to say about the state of things this evening. I also have what I presume to be a junkie's tingling anticipation of the relief of cracking the damn thing already!
Monday, February 2, 2009
I have spine homework
You know, it's a good thing I have so much practice being self-centered. :)
Dr. Hoo has charged me with not trying to crack my wonky shoulder/upper back and it is REALLY HARD! She pointed out Thursday that all my twisting and stretching efforts in the area for the past 2 months have come to naught - in fact, the energy I'm trying to put into the stuck vertebra is just being absorbed (unhappily) by the vertebrae on either side of it. So I haven't cracked my shoulders in nearly 4 days, and am basically feeling immobile across the top of my back. It's weird.
Thankfully my beloved therabelt straps handily around my shoulder as well, so I can keep heat on it while (theoretically) relaxing. And relaxing my shoulder makes me realize how much of my day I'd been spending trying to pop it back in place, sometimes just by taking an extra deep breath. So I'm not taking any extra deep breaths, which is also weird. But hopefully will result in some happy resolution to the shoulder issue when I head to the Rushfords tomorrow. Dr. Hoo was also kind enough to give me a $10 off coupon for a therapeutic masseuse (and former chemist!) she recommends, though I've yet to make an appointment there. Frankly, at this point I feel like I'm bleeding cash out my spine, happy and well-adjusted though it may well be! I think, though, that I'm going to make one major investment this month, in a "Clear Day" with the Rushfords - a day in which you receive three adjustments, with yoga, meditation, inspiration and mandala art therapy (seriously) in between. Dr. Hoo really feels it might be a breakthrough day for me in the spots where I've been teetering on clear for the past few weeks. I'm really looking forward to it.
I'm also starting to look in earnest for secondhand Millennial Crutches (they're all the rage in the dysplastic set, dontchaknow!) so I can get a couple months of practicing in before becoming actually crutchbound. January pretty much completely passed me by, so I'm a little surprised to find myself halfway through the school year and just 4 months away from surgery. Yipes!
Dr. Hoo has charged me with not trying to crack my wonky shoulder/upper back and it is REALLY HARD! She pointed out Thursday that all my twisting and stretching efforts in the area for the past 2 months have come to naught - in fact, the energy I'm trying to put into the stuck vertebra is just being absorbed (unhappily) by the vertebrae on either side of it. So I haven't cracked my shoulders in nearly 4 days, and am basically feeling immobile across the top of my back. It's weird.
Thankfully my beloved therabelt straps handily around my shoulder as well, so I can keep heat on it while (theoretically) relaxing. And relaxing my shoulder makes me realize how much of my day I'd been spending trying to pop it back in place, sometimes just by taking an extra deep breath. So I'm not taking any extra deep breaths, which is also weird. But hopefully will result in some happy resolution to the shoulder issue when I head to the Rushfords tomorrow. Dr. Hoo was also kind enough to give me a $10 off coupon for a therapeutic masseuse (and former chemist!) she recommends, though I've yet to make an appointment there. Frankly, at this point I feel like I'm bleeding cash out my spine, happy and well-adjusted though it may well be! I think, though, that I'm going to make one major investment this month, in a "Clear Day" with the Rushfords - a day in which you receive three adjustments, with yoga, meditation, inspiration and mandala art therapy (seriously) in between. Dr. Hoo really feels it might be a breakthrough day for me in the spots where I've been teetering on clear for the past few weeks. I'm really looking forward to it.
I'm also starting to look in earnest for secondhand Millennial Crutches (they're all the rage in the dysplastic set, dontchaknow!) so I can get a couple months of practicing in before becoming actually crutchbound. January pretty much completely passed me by, so I'm a little surprised to find myself halfway through the school year and just 4 months away from surgery. Yipes!
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