The presence of absence

Well, it's a Wednesday, which means I'm X weeks post-LPAO, though at this point I've happily lost track. I'm also nearly 4 weeks post-crutches and am happy to say the ball of my right hand has finally healed to the point that you can barely tell it'd been beaten up for months by the otherwise-ergonomic grips of my Millennial Crutches - crutches that have been living in the back of my trusty Subaru since the day of Adam & Sue's wedding, such that I literally can see them in my rearview mirror. mwah ha ha ha ha!

I've been back at yoga regularly and taking Omega 3s, both of which seem to be increasing the sensation in my op leg daily. Also managed to pick up a $10 stationary bike at the fabulous annual Bethany Church sale (which a wonderful man carried to my house for me!), though I haven't done much with it after the initial foray that left me sore. Hopefully a mere seat adjustment will address that, but I want to talk to Susan, the PT I've been missing so dearly lo these many weeks, before getting back on again. And YES I see her tomorrow! No thanks to Boston Childrens, though, as it was Dr. Crose who ended up writing the scrip. Technically I'm still supposed to be on crutches, since the order for my follow-up x-rays never arrived. Great system they've got there.

But aside from still struggling a bit with going up stairs and putting on underwear (that pesky leg-lifty motion!), I'm feeling fairly fantastic. Except when I'm tired my limp is pretty much completely gone and it is with great self-satisfaction that I pass people on the sidewalk. I'm fast again!! There are so many moments when my brain anticipates pain and is pleasantly surprised when there's none - after 2 years of decreased mobility this should come as no shock, but I still get a lovely frisson every time it happens. And I can't tell you HOW many times a day I think "I am SO happy I'm not on crutches!" Last week I played my first post-op (half) round of disc golf, which really drove both points home. The last time I'd gone was a week or so before surgery and by the time we got to the first bench I was already struggling and couldn't wait to sit down. This time we got there and I was fine, just FINE thankyouverymuch! Granted I'm a little slow on the up-and-down hilly bits, but that's probably 85% paranoia and only 15% actual physical limitation. Overall I'm definitely not back to 100% (not that I even remember what 100% feels like, really) but I'm getting there, and actually excited to see what Susan has to say tomorrow (slash a microscopic bit concerned she's going to tell me I've effed something up in my enthusiastic rush towards bipedalism, but only a bit!). We shall soon see!

3 months post-op

Cliche though it may well be, I'd feel remiss if I didn't note what a long strange trip this has been. It's been such a bizarre year (summer in particular) in terms of appreciating the passage of time - I truly can't believe a quarter of the year has passed since my PAO. Yipes! And what did I do with that time, exactly? Well, I watched The Sopranos in its entirety and It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia in its entirety twice (it bears repeating). I didn't read one book from the time I was admitted til I returned home to Montpelier - the longest I've gone in probably my whole life without something going. I guess I learned the joys of passivity - certainly got my fill of THAT this summer!

Last night I made my triumphant return to yoga and actually fared pretty well, with the exception of some twists and bendy business that I just couldn't physically accomplish without irritating my screws something fierce. Really, though, what's sorest today is my poor beleaguered shoulders, beaten down by so much crutching and so little rest. The whole left side of my upper body (including my loud cracking jaw) is a bit unhappy today, but I'm certain tonight's adjustment and tomorrow's massage (AHHH!) will sort that out right quick. But, despite a minor panic at the start of class when I thought "Am I totally nuts?!", yoga helped me recenter in a way I haven't been able to for too long now, and I think has sorted my hip enough that (despite increased tenderness) my gait feels closer to normal now than it has... well, really since before I started experiencing dysplasia symptoms back in the summer of '07!

So, yes, PAO was definitely a smart choice for me and, though it really hadn't bothered me much at all before taking so much abuse this summer, old righty's surely going to go under the knife within a year. It's actually a little scary how quickly my brain switched to scheming for that surgery once I got off crutches for good. Even while limping around all screwed up (literally, I mean) my master planning instinct is kicking in full force. Thankfully I'll see Dr. Crose this afternoon and get some PT prescribed so I can put some closure to my LPAO before I get TOO far ahead of myself!

13 weeks post-PAO, 5 days post-crutches, 5 hours pre-yoga!

Well, after reading about one of my hip sisters going out on ice skates at a mere 8 weeks post-op, I decided to toss off my crutches for good on Saturday, x-rays be damned! I'd been doing a good bit of short-distance walking leading up to it, so it wasn't too terrifying, though I couldn't walk without a limp if I tried. The pain in my hip is minimal - more just soreness and exhaustion - but my foot was KEEELing me for a couple of days and now the pain has migrated up to my ankle, all a result, no doubt, of my left leg being completely realigned. I also realized my foot looks kind of strange to me from this new perspective (actually flat on the floor instead of torqued out to the left), which I hadn't really considered when I wasn't putting weight on it.

Sunday was Adam & Sue's wedding and I'm confident in saying it was the most perfect day ever, a huge part of what was surely my best weekend of 2009 so far. And I danced! Oh how I danced, and went up and down stairs, and walked around like a normal person! So normal, in fact, that at one point Adam tried to do the "let's bump hips" dance on my left side and I had to be like "Dude, you're hitting my screws!" :D At this point the screws are probably the sorest part, kind of itchy actually as the feeling comes back. With the muscles it's more that they just won't do what they're supposed to, but they're not complaining much about what they can do. All in all, I've been in significantly less pain the past few weeks than I was for nearly 2 years pre-PAO, so I'm not complaining! The weirdest is things I do (sitting flat on the floor with my leg out, sitting in the car with my leg bent) that DON'T hurt - things that hurt so consistently before surgery that I'd conditioned myself not to do them. Thankfully I think all my crutch conditioning has reset my brain in that regard, so I do those things without thinking. Of course, I still do weird crutchy things without thinking - like flinging the door wide open to let myself (and my invisible crutches) through and trying to keep my hands empty at all times. How liberating to carry one's own beverage again!

Meanwhile my x-ray order still hasn't shown (shocking, I know) but thankfully I have an appointment with Dr. Crose, my GP, tomorrow morning so I can have her finally prescribe the PT I've been jonesing for for months now. Oooh and tonight I'm going back to yoga! Probably a bit crazy, but I'll be taking it easy, for sure - very much looking forward to stretching out some of these well-worn kinks, though - I suspect my shoulders will be quite pleased with me! Tomorrow back to Dr. Hoo and Friday MASSAGE so life is pretty, pretty good!

*twiddles thumbs*

Well, 12 weeks post-op and all progress made towards not biting my nails has gone out the window. I am STILL on crutches! After waiting 2 weeks for a response to my email to Erin about my second round of x-rays (which need to be done before they start "weaning" me off crutches), I waited another 2 weeks for the x-ray order to arrive in my mailbox and it never did. Thankfully trusty Shani in Dr. Kim's office tracked Erin down and (allegedly) put the order in the mail to me Monday. Which implies to me that the order was never sent in the first place, but who am I to speculate??

Meanwhile, I eye with growing envious rage the blogs of folks who were back on two feet at 10 weeks - how could I have gone from 48 hours ahead of schedule in the hospital to two weeks BEHIND once I left? After having been so prepared and informed going into my LPAO, I've felt completely forgotten as soon as I left Beth Israel. It's not a good feeling.

I saw Dr. Hoo last night for the first time in many weeks and realized how disconnected I've been from the recovery process (and the poor bedraggled Hipnotic!) lo these many weeks - in no small part, I think, because of how powerless I've felt just waiting and waiting and waiting. Thankfully I've been able to hit the therapy pool at least once a week since I left my folks' house, which has been just dandy. Otherwise I would be doing NO PT, since Dr. Kim doesn't prescribe it until after these accursed x-rays are done, which makes absolutely no sense to me.

Regardless, at 10 weeks I started walking short distances without my crutches, just around the house and the bookstore, in preparation for Adam & Sue's wedding this weekend. When they first booked it I jokingly said I might still be on crutches at that point and here I am, still in limbo and unsure of whether I'm really screwing myself up (no pun intended involving my new internal titanium accessories) attempting time on two legs. But my patience reserve was pretty low once I passed the 10-week mark, and at this point I'm running on fumes. Keeping fingers crossed that I'll magically come home today to an x-ray order in my mailbox (because really it doesn't take that long for things to get here from Boston!) and can get it over with tomorrow after getting my post-op bloodwork done with Dr. Crose. Oh, best laid plans!