First off let me say that my sense of time is pretty much nonexistent at this point, so please forgive any continuity errors in my narrative. But I'm certain I've been out of the hospital since Monday afternoon, and sleeping pretty much nonstop (when not watching The Sopranos) since. Geez, where to begin?!
I guess Monday morning I saw another PT who made it her goal to get me away from my toe-scrunching method of moving my left foot while on crutches. To start, she had to physically pick up my left heel and advance the foot for me, but about halfway down the hall I started being able to do it on my own and by the time we were headed back to the room (2 chair breaks and 5 stairs later) I was picking the whole foot up in as close a semblance of a normal step as I was able to muster. It's really incredible what the body's able to do - muscle memory and whatnot. To clarify, in order to perform the PAO the surgeons had to sever all the muscles, nerves and tendons across the front of my thigh to get to the bone and reattach them - understandably there's a bit of a lag in them becoming fully (or even partially) functional again. The biggest hurdle is the tendon that runs along the back of your leg, and right across the biggest cut made in the pelvis - it's the one that allows you to lift your leg up (something I'm still doing manually, despite other improvements) and because of the new bone ledge created by moving the piece of my pelvis that was removed, the thing that pops over and over again deep inside the joint (I'm reassured that's normal body mechanics!).
The time when the non-functionality of said tendon is most evident is getting back into bed. I pretty quickly mastered the art of using my good leg to move my bad, but getting the full weight of that left thigh up onto the mattress, even using both hands and extra support, was by far the most painful movement post-op. Ehm... along with, you know, sitting up, moving, etc. :) Days later, it still hurts, for sure, but nowhere near as badly and I don't need 5 minutes rest to recover once I've successfully repositioned myself. Thankfully, after several nights of mind-blowingly confusing and detailed dreams, followed by soaking sweat and pounding headache, I've figured my pain meds regimen out to where things are a bit more normal, though I still have by far the strangest dreams of my life - the other night actually involving pink elephants. hahaha I told my mom about it and she again warned about abusing my meds lest they have to deal with a "hop-head" on their hands. :)
That said, my ease of mobility, though still very limited and tiring, is worlds away from just a couple of days ago and my folks are duly impressed, though my mom is daily telling me that I'm "doing too much" - yesterday she said this to me when I'd literally been awake for a sum total of 3 hours (or, as I like to count them, episodes of Sopranos) and moved from bed only to go to the bathroom... TWICE! The setup here at my folks (in addition to the marvel of having them here to make me food) is pretty much perfect - they've got a hospital bed set up for me in the old living room with a view out the atrium door looking right at the ever-busy hummingbird feeder, I've got wireless (which thankfully just started working again!) and a bathroom just far enough away to make it a good leg-stretching distance but with a toilet high enough that I haven't needed the extender seat thing on it conveniently located in an alcove for easy leveraging into and out of. Plus Augustus has access to perpetually-full water and dry food, so he's certainly not complaining!
Yesterday the dressing on my wound came off and nobody wants to see it! I think it's pretty badass (slash cringe-inducing) but both my parents have taken a pass on a peek. The incision itself is still covered in steristrips but fairly gruesome nonetheless at this stage of the game. Alas the amazing tape stuff they use basically pulled up my skin along one side, so I've got a couple actual bleedy spots in addition to the general itchiness of the exposed skin, but it's good to have it all open to the air finally. I gather the steristrips will come off over time, and then the real long-term cosmetic effects can be assessed. Not that I really give a hoot about the cosmetic effects on a part of my body that's almost never seen by anyone but me - the locomotive effects will be readily apparent to all and sundry!
Oooh, and let me tell you the coolest thing! Back when I started on this business several medical folks commented on how my left foot had a noticeable external rotation, most evident when I was lying down. When my first PT in the hospital met with me she pointed out how important it was to avoid that rotation (and any internal rotation) while healing, not least of all because it hurt like hell - she said I'd just need to put a towel or something along the outside of my leg to keep it straight on. Well, I did that for maybe three days and now my foot's straight as an arrow! Oh it's quite magical!
Hm... I'm sure I've missed something, but now that the internets are back to being my full-time friend, I'm sure I'll be back sooner rather than later. It's funny - I've been outside for a sum total of about 10 minutes in 2 weeks and it's not really bothering me yet - helps that it's raining today and my folks' house is pretty open. Just weird to not care AT ALL about the weather forecast for once. No offense Eye in the Sky Guys. :)
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Sunday, June 14, 2009
3 - it's the magic number
Yeah it is! :)
I'm told that surgery day is Day Zero, making yesterday Day Three in my LPAO adventure, and what a day it was! My mama arrived soon after the epidural came out and was kind enough to give my back a thorough scratching (telling me I looked like a zebra already from where I'd been able to scratch) followed by some nice soothing lotion. We had a good bit of time to kill before the PT showed up, so we watched some Curb (which she'd never seen) and I tried not to laugh too hard - unintended consequence of this surgery being a change in my laugh as I try to keep all the motion in the upper part of my torso (weird!).
When Jenna, the PT (and a Vermonter!), arrived, she asked if I could wiggle my toes and was immediately impressed by the range of motion in my left foot/ankle/calf - I'd been moving it all around since the epidural started to wear off down there and was scared for a bit that I'd done something I shouldn't. She reassured me that I was actually doing marvelously and gave me a little tutorial on walker walking before getting me to sitting on the edge of the bed. Bear in mind that neither of my feet had touched ground in something like 80 hours, so needless to say it was a bit woozy-making even getting them into position. The pain was bearable, though, as long as I remembered to keep my torso leaned back enough that my leg wasn't at a 90 degree angle to it. Standing with the walker was a fairly bizarre sensation, since it was the first time I could really feel the effects of the surgery (and I'd just taken some more percocet!), but I was pleasantly surprised at my ability to maintain my balance given how long I'd been bed-bound. Definitely have to give yoga some credit on that one!
Apparently it's fairly standard for PAOers to have no ability to move the foot on the op side, such that Jenna often at first has to physically move their foot forward for them for a time. This was not to be my fate, however (thank heavens!), since I maintained so much mobility below the knee. Still and all, the extent of my phenomenal range of motion is to be able to creep my toes along the floor until my leg is angled toward the walker before hoisting the rest of my weight into position with my arms. On the walker the right leg doesn't seem to have to do much in this regard, save for keeping me upright, but we'll see how crutches go today. In any event, I managed to walker to the window and back to an armchair they'd brought in for me (approximately 15 feet, approximately 15 minutes) and sit for awhile waiting for them to bring in a commode to put over the room's toilet, which for some unknown reason is about a foot off the floor normally. Sitting up in a chair was SOOO very nice! And as soon as they got the commode in place they took out my catheter, which was a bit painful and strange, but also quite nice to see it go! Of course, I immediately realized what I'd just committed to and decided to stop drinking water and eating ice by the bucketfull!
Awkward though it was, it was a big step to be able to use the big kids potty again, and I was pretty wiped by the time I made it back to my armchair. Around this time Elizabeth showed up, having made the trip down to friends in the area the night before - it was really nice to see a friendly face from home here, where I feel I've been in exile for about a month, and to see my good spirits and relatively good health reflected in her. After she left came the delightful moment of getting back into bed, definitely the most painful part of the whole process, in no small part because I'm dependent on the nurse to get my op leg back into bed, and she has no way of knowing what hurts. I did make another unauthorized solo trip to the bathroom at about 4 this morning and managed to use my good leg to hoist my bum leg back in bed (with a short stopover propped on the walker) which was still painful but better, if only for being all under my control. You know how much I like control! ;)
Alright, time to make the trek to the bathroom again and hopefully not throw up, as I'm feeling a bit queasy this morning. Also fevery, but that's nothing new. In any event, it seems reasonable to expect that I'll go home tomorrow, barring any unforeseen complications. Here's hoping!
I'm told that surgery day is Day Zero, making yesterday Day Three in my LPAO adventure, and what a day it was! My mama arrived soon after the epidural came out and was kind enough to give my back a thorough scratching (telling me I looked like a zebra already from where I'd been able to scratch) followed by some nice soothing lotion. We had a good bit of time to kill before the PT showed up, so we watched some Curb (which she'd never seen) and I tried not to laugh too hard - unintended consequence of this surgery being a change in my laugh as I try to keep all the motion in the upper part of my torso (weird!).
When Jenna, the PT (and a Vermonter!), arrived, she asked if I could wiggle my toes and was immediately impressed by the range of motion in my left foot/ankle/calf - I'd been moving it all around since the epidural started to wear off down there and was scared for a bit that I'd done something I shouldn't. She reassured me that I was actually doing marvelously and gave me a little tutorial on walker walking before getting me to sitting on the edge of the bed. Bear in mind that neither of my feet had touched ground in something like 80 hours, so needless to say it was a bit woozy-making even getting them into position. The pain was bearable, though, as long as I remembered to keep my torso leaned back enough that my leg wasn't at a 90 degree angle to it. Standing with the walker was a fairly bizarre sensation, since it was the first time I could really feel the effects of the surgery (and I'd just taken some more percocet!), but I was pleasantly surprised at my ability to maintain my balance given how long I'd been bed-bound. Definitely have to give yoga some credit on that one!
Apparently it's fairly standard for PAOers to have no ability to move the foot on the op side, such that Jenna often at first has to physically move their foot forward for them for a time. This was not to be my fate, however (thank heavens!), since I maintained so much mobility below the knee. Still and all, the extent of my phenomenal range of motion is to be able to creep my toes along the floor until my leg is angled toward the walker before hoisting the rest of my weight into position with my arms. On the walker the right leg doesn't seem to have to do much in this regard, save for keeping me upright, but we'll see how crutches go today. In any event, I managed to walker to the window and back to an armchair they'd brought in for me (approximately 15 feet, approximately 15 minutes) and sit for awhile waiting for them to bring in a commode to put over the room's toilet, which for some unknown reason is about a foot off the floor normally. Sitting up in a chair was SOOO very nice! And as soon as they got the commode in place they took out my catheter, which was a bit painful and strange, but also quite nice to see it go! Of course, I immediately realized what I'd just committed to and decided to stop drinking water and eating ice by the bucketfull!
Awkward though it was, it was a big step to be able to use the big kids potty again, and I was pretty wiped by the time I made it back to my armchair. Around this time Elizabeth showed up, having made the trip down to friends in the area the night before - it was really nice to see a friendly face from home here, where I feel I've been in exile for about a month, and to see my good spirits and relatively good health reflected in her. After she left came the delightful moment of getting back into bed, definitely the most painful part of the whole process, in no small part because I'm dependent on the nurse to get my op leg back into bed, and she has no way of knowing what hurts. I did make another unauthorized solo trip to the bathroom at about 4 this morning and managed to use my good leg to hoist my bum leg back in bed (with a short stopover propped on the walker) which was still painful but better, if only for being all under my control. You know how much I like control! ;)
Alright, time to make the trek to the bathroom again and hopefully not throw up, as I'm feeling a bit queasy this morning. Also fevery, but that's nothing new. In any event, it seems reasonable to expect that I'll go home tomorrow, barring any unforeseen complications. Here's hoping!
Saturday, June 13, 2009
Epidural out!
Else why would I be awake at 7am on a Saturday?? I can't explain the relief of finally being able to scratch my back, which has been covered in tape for 3 straight days. Ahhhhh! This also means I'll be getting feeling back in my legs (for better or worse!) and will soon be released from the dandy plastic compression legwarmers I've been rocking. My fever spiked again last night to 101 and I was so sweaty and miserable, but this morning it seems to have broken (thanks in no small part to the abundance of crushed ice available to me). After the epidural, they wait a few hours to take out the catheter, which means I'll be down to just one IV and able to finally get out of this stinking bed.
Of course, I'm probably crazy to look forward to that since it will undoubtedly hurt like hell. Just trying to reposition myself in bed with my trusty trapeze is cringe-inducing enough, and that's WITH the epidural! Yesterday a most intrepid nurse not only got me cleaner than I've been in days but also managed to change my sheets without me ever leaving the bed - miraculous! Ooh and a scrub-wearing angel just appeared at my bedside and gave me percocet! This hospital living's not nearly so bad as I thought it'd be!
Today is the first morning that the sun is shining fully on Boston, making it also the first day I'm really regretting not being able to get outside. Thankfully, though, my regret is assuaged by the phenomenal bouquet delivered last night from my dearly beloved Rivendell crew - truly one of the loveliest I've seen! Pretty much made my week. :)
Of course, I'm probably crazy to look forward to that since it will undoubtedly hurt like hell. Just trying to reposition myself in bed with my trusty trapeze is cringe-inducing enough, and that's WITH the epidural! Yesterday a most intrepid nurse not only got me cleaner than I've been in days but also managed to change my sheets without me ever leaving the bed - miraculous! Ooh and a scrub-wearing angel just appeared at my bedside and gave me percocet! This hospital living's not nearly so bad as I thought it'd be!
Today is the first morning that the sun is shining fully on Boston, making it also the first day I'm really regretting not being able to get outside. Thankfully, though, my regret is assuaged by the phenomenal bouquet delivered last night from my dearly beloved Rivendell crew - truly one of the loveliest I've seen! Pretty much made my week. :)
Friday, June 12, 2009
Day... uh... something...
Three? I've been in this bed since about 8:15 Wednesday morning, and it's starting to lose its charm! On the plus side, I'm now down to only 3 tubes coming out of me, as last night they took out the "spare" IV that was really paining me and this morning removed the drain in my hip. Which, let me tell you, was a BIZARRE sensation!
Everything seems to be progressing according to expectations, though I've been running a fever since last night and basically just want to jump into an ice bath. Sadly, it is not to be! Really I think the only thing that's happening today (aside from general rest and recovery) is getting the unit of blood I donated back. Tomorrow the epidural comes out and the real fun begins - I've been stepped down to a 6 (out of 10) and can definitely feel pain at the surgery site, if only when I try to move. Thankfully I've got a trapeze (metal triangle hanging over my head) so I can hoist myself up and reposition without doing too much damage. A good bit of popping going on in that hip, which I guess is normal, though I'd be lying if I said it didn't freak me out a bit when it happens.
Everything seems to be progressing according to expectations, though I've been running a fever since last night and basically just want to jump into an ice bath. Sadly, it is not to be! Really I think the only thing that's happening today (aside from general rest and recovery) is getting the unit of blood I donated back. Tomorrow the epidural comes out and the real fun begins - I've been stepped down to a 6 (out of 10) and can definitely feel pain at the surgery site, if only when I try to move. Thankfully I've got a trapeze (metal triangle hanging over my head) so I can hoist myself up and reposition without doing too much damage. A good bit of popping going on in that hip, which I guess is normal, though I'd be lying if I said it didn't freak me out a bit when it happens.
Thursday, June 11, 2009
It's ALLLIIIVE!!!
Well, I did it! Or, more to the point, Dr. Kim did. LPAO went off yesterday without a hitch, except that my sense of time is totally screwy, such that this morning I thought "I can't eat anything before surgery"... the surgery I had 24 hours ago, that is!
Anesthesia and meds don't seem to be messing me up too bad, though I did lose some of my water last night due to drinking a little too enthusiastically (story of my life!). I'm pretty out of it, though, thanks in no small part to being woken up every 2 hours last night to do "ice tests", basically seeing how much of my body the epidural is affecting. Seems to really be doing the trick, though, as I'm in absolutely no pain and only minor discomfort when I shift around or try to sit up more. Ah, except for the INCESSANT ITCHING, that is, which I guess is standard for epidurals - man it's annoying! Ooops and it's a good thing a coupla doctor-types just checked on me, because apparently my epidural bandage was coming off and the epidural was about to fall out! Good catch!
Otherwise I'm feeling pretty dandy, aside from not having eaten anything but my "clear liquid tray" since Tuesday night. I'll pretty much be coasting through the next couple days, then my epidural comes out probably Saturday, at which point the REAL fun begins! I'll be getting my unit of donated blood back before then, though, so hopefully it'll increase my stamina, if not my pain endurance! I'll surely be updating here as best I can, but for now signing off from Room 1278 in scenic BIDMC!
Anesthesia and meds don't seem to be messing me up too bad, though I did lose some of my water last night due to drinking a little too enthusiastically (story of my life!). I'm pretty out of it, though, thanks in no small part to being woken up every 2 hours last night to do "ice tests", basically seeing how much of my body the epidural is affecting. Seems to really be doing the trick, though, as I'm in absolutely no pain and only minor discomfort when I shift around or try to sit up more. Ah, except for the INCESSANT ITCHING, that is, which I guess is standard for epidurals - man it's annoying! Ooops and it's a good thing a coupla doctor-types just checked on me, because apparently my epidural bandage was coming off and the epidural was about to fall out! Good catch!
Otherwise I'm feeling pretty dandy, aside from not having eaten anything but my "clear liquid tray" since Tuesday night. I'll pretty much be coasting through the next couple days, then my epidural comes out probably Saturday, at which point the REAL fun begins! I'll be getting my unit of donated blood back before then, though, so hopefully it'll increase my stamina, if not my pain endurance! I'll surely be updating here as best I can, but for now signing off from Room 1278 in scenic BIDMC!
Thursday, June 4, 2009
Sadsack surprise
I can't tell you how many times at school this week I've said "What was I just doing??" Seems to be the way of things these days. I was so scattered going into my adjustment Tuesday that Dr. Hoo seemed genuinely horrified at my condition and had me do some centering breathing exercises to try to pull me back together. They involved breathing with my hands on my stomach, my diaphragm and my throat and it was pretty powerful stuff, except when she asked me which felt most "open and inviting" - at moments like these I always feel like I'm at the optometrist, "Clearer with Number 1... *click* or Number 2... again 2... *click* or 1?" And I wonder "Are you trying to trick me??"
In any event, the adjustment was quite nice, followed by a really relaxing (no psoas poking this time!) massage, my last with Jennifer before surgery. To celebrate, instead of the delicious truffle she usually leaves you when she's done, she gave me perhaps the world's most marvelous chocolate bar - how I've managed to remain ignorant of these things even with my deep-seated caramel obsession is beyond me!
Oh yes and today is my second day without any ibuprofen, which I've been popping by the massive 600mg pill for many many months now. Had to go off it pre-op and have now successfully determined that it actually does nothing for me, save for probably effing up my kidneys for life. Even after a very hip-rigorous yoga class last night I'm still feeling just about the same without the meds as I ever did taking them.
And man was it some yoga class! Thankfully over time I think my prodigious sweating has at least been somewhat curtailed, but not my amazement at how far I'm actually able to push myself. Last night's theme was about finding your edge and pushing beyond it, and when Anj said "Feel your edge" I could probably feel it better than anyone else in the room, since it felt like the edge of a knife in my thigh. Still and all, no lasting ill effects from going that one step (or twist, as the case may be) further, even though I've begun really embracing the idea of running my leg into the ground (like my dear Subaru!) before surgery. Cow Face Pose (you may remember when I said Big Toe Pose was the worst asana name ever but I was clearly wrong!) certainly does the trick in that regard!
On the "I'm such a bad Buddhist" tip, it was nearly impossible for me to shut my dang brain up during the introspective/centering bits last night, but when I finally did I had an interesting realization: I'm sad! It's surprised even me how not-panicked I am, but I couldn't quite put a finger on what I was feeling until last night. Not that I could say why exactly, but there it is! Oh the vagaries of the human heart!
In any event, the adjustment was quite nice, followed by a really relaxing (no psoas poking this time!) massage, my last with Jennifer before surgery. To celebrate, instead of the delicious truffle she usually leaves you when she's done, she gave me perhaps the world's most marvelous chocolate bar - how I've managed to remain ignorant of these things even with my deep-seated caramel obsession is beyond me!
Oh yes and today is my second day without any ibuprofen, which I've been popping by the massive 600mg pill for many many months now. Had to go off it pre-op and have now successfully determined that it actually does nothing for me, save for probably effing up my kidneys for life. Even after a very hip-rigorous yoga class last night I'm still feeling just about the same without the meds as I ever did taking them.
And man was it some yoga class! Thankfully over time I think my prodigious sweating has at least been somewhat curtailed, but not my amazement at how far I'm actually able to push myself. Last night's theme was about finding your edge and pushing beyond it, and when Anj said "Feel your edge" I could probably feel it better than anyone else in the room, since it felt like the edge of a knife in my thigh. Still and all, no lasting ill effects from going that one step (or twist, as the case may be) further, even though I've begun really embracing the idea of running my leg into the ground (like my dear Subaru!) before surgery. Cow Face Pose (you may remember when I said Big Toe Pose was the worst asana name ever but I was clearly wrong!) certainly does the trick in that regard!
On the "I'm such a bad Buddhist" tip, it was nearly impossible for me to shut my dang brain up during the introspective/centering bits last night, but when I finally did I had an interesting realization: I'm sad! It's surprised even me how not-panicked I am, but I couldn't quite put a finger on what I was feeling until last night. Not that I could say why exactly, but there it is! Oh the vagaries of the human heart!
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
Glowsticks on the infield
If you're looking for something to pull you out of mopey morosity (yes it's actually a word!) let me recommend to you some PHISH at FENWAY! Aside from the fact that my legs were burning from standing so long on concrete, it was pretty much perfect. The little bit of rain we had up to and including the phenomenal a cappella version of the Star-Spangled Banner (they were RIGHT in front of us) was blown away by (I presume) the collective power of the crowd's joy, not to mention a sick Trey solo that literally brought out the sun. And there was a rainbow. And there was must rejoicing. :)
Because I am such a lucky lucky bastard, I also saw David Byrne last night, it didn't rain, and I was able to sit on my trusty Maine lounger (best thing my dad ever gave my mom that she didn't want and gave to me!) for the bulk of the show. A definite switch in vibe from the Phish crowd, but marvelous nonetheless, and quite the stage show!
After school today I'll rock both chiro and massage, which is surely just what I need, along with finally getting back to yoga class tomorrow. And I'm a week away from surgery - WHEW! Hard to believe, but I've really made the best of my last bipedal weeks and will continue to do so until the last possible moment, believe you me!
Because I am such a lucky lucky bastard, I also saw David Byrne last night, it didn't rain, and I was able to sit on my trusty Maine lounger (best thing my dad ever gave my mom that she didn't want and gave to me!) for the bulk of the show. A definite switch in vibe from the Phish crowd, but marvelous nonetheless, and quite the stage show!
After school today I'll rock both chiro and massage, which is surely just what I need, along with finally getting back to yoga class tomorrow. And I'm a week away from surgery - WHEW! Hard to believe, but I've really made the best of my last bipedal weeks and will continue to do so until the last possible moment, believe you me!
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