Sadsack surprise

I can't tell you how many times at school this week I've said "What was I just doing??" Seems to be the way of things these days. I was so scattered going into my adjustment Tuesday that Dr. Hoo seemed genuinely horrified at my condition and had me do some centering breathing exercises to try to pull me back together. They involved breathing with my hands on my stomach, my diaphragm and my throat and it was pretty powerful stuff, except when she asked me which felt most "open and inviting" - at moments like these I always feel like I'm at the optometrist, "Clearer with Number 1... *click* or Number 2... again 2... *click* or 1?" And I wonder "Are you trying to trick me??"

In any event, the adjustment was quite nice, followed by a really relaxing (no psoas poking this time!) massage, my last with Jennifer before surgery. To celebrate, instead of the delicious truffle she usually leaves you when she's done, she gave me perhaps the world's most marvelous chocolate bar - how I've managed to remain ignorant of these things even with my deep-seated caramel obsession is beyond me!

Oh yes and today is my second day without any ibuprofen, which I've been popping by the massive 600mg pill for many many months now. Had to go off it pre-op and have now successfully determined that it actually does nothing for me, save for probably effing up my kidneys for life. Even after a very hip-rigorous yoga class last night I'm still feeling just about the same without the meds as I ever did taking them.

And man was it some yoga class! Thankfully over time I think my prodigious sweating has at least been somewhat curtailed, but not my amazement at how far I'm actually able to push myself. Last night's theme was about finding your edge and pushing beyond it, and when Anj said "Feel your edge" I could probably feel it better than anyone else in the room, since it felt like the edge of a knife in my thigh. Still and all, no lasting ill effects from going that one step (or twist, as the case may be) further, even though I've begun really embracing the idea of running my leg into the ground (like my dear Subaru!) before surgery. Cow Face Pose (you may remember when I said Big Toe Pose was the worst asana name ever but I was clearly wrong!) certainly does the trick in that regard!

On the "I'm such a bad Buddhist" tip, it was nearly impossible for me to shut my dang brain up during the introspective/centering bits last night, but when I finally did I had an interesting realization: I'm sad! It's surprised even me how not-panicked I am, but I couldn't quite put a finger on what I was feeling until last night. Not that I could say why exactly, but there it is! Oh the vagaries of the human heart!