Right, so my reevaluation with Dr. Matt on Monday was a grand success - I've made excellent progress both in Spinal Range of Motion and Spinal Tissue Stress, though my Spinal Cord Tension still lags behind. The pattern I'm exhibiting in the base of my spine, he told me, is one generally associated with a "pity party" (I believe that's the medical term). I had to laugh to myself when I realized that earlier I'd been gazing at the spine model in their office thinking "My poor spine", something I think often these days. But now is the time to toss out that attitude in favor of appreciating my body's resiliency in the face of trauma and how far I've come in the past 6 months of chiropractic care. I asked Matt what he thought about my surgery and he was very reassuring, pointing out that PMA is the most important part of a speedy recovery. And I thought "PMwhat?" before realizing he meant "Positive Mental Attitude". ha!
Turns out my pelvic sway is also gone, though it was still evident at my first reevaluation at the beginning of the year. For better or worse I think this change can be credited to the increased discomfort (or at least change in comfort) in my right hip, which until now has been protected by the sway. I haven't really let myself entertain the notion of an RPAO next year, instead focusing on how this shift (and the attendant benefits to my alignment) will aid in the healing process post-op.
I had a very nice massage yesterday with Jennifer, though for some reason it was really difficult for her to access the psoas and iliacus on both sides like she usually does. Instead she spent most of our time working on my left shoulder, pointing out (or rather confirming) that the shoulderblade doesn't quite sit right on that side. She found a staggering amount of tension in the lat(issimus dorsi) and again in the teres, which we'd done some work with before. (I love this diagram!) When she got to the iliac crest I involuntarily started to squirm. It's amazing how much tension we can carry in our bodies without even realizing it! I'm feeling pretty dandy today, though - definitely sore on the left side of my back, but looser than I have any recollection of being before. Looking forward to yoga tonight, when I can give my new range of motion a spin!
I've been thinking a lot since my conversation with Dr. Matt (who says he's not a counselor of any sort, but I know otherwise!) about what exactly I'm afraid of and, perhaps not surprising to those of you who know me, it's really about loss of control. For the past year I feel like I've really taken charge of my life, and now five weeks from today (shit, just realized it's Wednesday!) I'm basically flinging myself off a cliff. However, in honor of my new "PMA", I will acknowlege that I have a lot of cushioning, in the form of my parents, my friends, the knowledge (and dare I say wisdom??) I've gained since my diagnosis, to break my fall. Matt says the spinal cord tension is in part a result of the fight-or-flight response, which makes us curl in on ourselves. Given those two options, y'all know I'm not going to chose flight!
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