Yipes. I actually just recounted on my calendar just to make sure I hadn't lost track somehow. ha!
Yep, and I'm scared. Had a dream the other night that somehow the surgery resulted not in loss of motion but loss of personality, and I woke up realizing how much more difficult it would be for me to adjust to being unable to express myself than to, say, being unable to walk. Thanks for that insight, unconscious! But, stomach-based butterflies aside, I feel like I've gotten over the wall of "I can't even conceive of this" to some semblance of being ready to just be done with it. Perspective is such a huge piece of that, and I'm so attuned to people with canes, walkers and wheelchairs that it's not hard to come by these days. I will be better for this surgery, and that's what's important, no matter how anxious the anticipation makes me. Or how pissy it makes me to think I might lose my piercings as a result. ;) (But MAN that's annoying!)
Last night Dr. Hoo commented on a great deal of tension in my shoulders, which I attributed to overdoing the arms-behind-the-back bits of yoga on Sunday, which I can't really do worth a dang and shan't be so enthusiastic about during this evening's class, surely! My adjustment was quite wonderful, thankfully, and cleared out a lot of tension at both ends of the spine. Last night and today, though, my hip has really bothered me for whatever reason - I'm telling myself it's a sign of some positive realignment and not the result of somehow grievously injuring myself in, say, a Pigeon Pose, for instance. :)
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Monday, April 27, 2009
Gentle But Constant Marissa
Dr. Hoo said that about my breathing during my adjustment last week - pretty sure there's supposed to be a comma in there, too, but at the time it struck me as such a funny phrase, especially for readers who know me personally! I was on break all last week, and managed another Restorative Yoga class, an adjustment, a massage, my last private yoga session AND a spa day (thanks again Beverly!), as well as some general rest and relaxation. And listening to a LOT of live Avett Brothers. :)
Dar Williams once said at a show, talking about her meditation practice and her frustrations at not being able to let go of her thoughts, that she thought "I'm a bad Buddhist" so many times that it became, in effect, her meditation mantra. I think of that story often these days, as my overactive mind does its best to analyze and comment upon my every effort to shut it the heck up. I had a bit of a breakthrough, though, at Restorative last Sunday, where during my breathing out of stale air and breathing in of new lifeforce (and whatnot) this image suddenly popped into my head of an old house by the sea just open for the summer. Breathing out blows the dried leaves out through the open doors; breathing in draws in the breeze off the ocean and, somehow, breathes sunlight into the room. Doesn't make "rational" "sense", I know, but it works!
Of course, I'd be lying if I said I was able to bring this precision focus to my general yoga practice, because I'm still quite the newb in that regard. Last night I went to my first class with people other than Anjali, and it was a pretty grand success! Definitely a little hairy in the middle (seriously, chair pose, are you trying to kill me?!) and I was dripping sweat, but by the end (approximately 3 dozen Downward Dogs later) I was feeling great. And, though I ended all three of my private sessions with varying levels of muscle spasms in my thighs and a day or two of soreness thereafter, I was twitch-free last night and, some tightness in the backs of my legs aside, I'm right as rain today - woohoo! And did I mention I've even been doing PIGEON POSE?!? Ahahahaha (<--maniacal laughter) TAKE THAT HIPS!
Dar Williams once said at a show, talking about her meditation practice and her frustrations at not being able to let go of her thoughts, that she thought "I'm a bad Buddhist" so many times that it became, in effect, her meditation mantra. I think of that story often these days, as my overactive mind does its best to analyze and comment upon my every effort to shut it the heck up. I had a bit of a breakthrough, though, at Restorative last Sunday, where during my breathing out of stale air and breathing in of new lifeforce (and whatnot) this image suddenly popped into my head of an old house by the sea just open for the summer. Breathing out blows the dried leaves out through the open doors; breathing in draws in the breeze off the ocean and, somehow, breathes sunlight into the room. Doesn't make "rational" "sense", I know, but it works!
Of course, I'd be lying if I said I was able to bring this precision focus to my general yoga practice, because I'm still quite the newb in that regard. Last night I went to my first class with people other than Anjali, and it was a pretty grand success! Definitely a little hairy in the middle (seriously, chair pose, are you trying to kill me?!) and I was dripping sweat, but by the end (approximately 3 dozen Downward Dogs later) I was feeling great. And, though I ended all three of my private sessions with varying levels of muscle spasms in my thighs and a day or two of soreness thereafter, I was twitch-free last night and, some tightness in the backs of my legs aside, I'm right as rain today - woohoo! And did I mention I've even been doing PIGEON POSE?!? Ahahahaha (<--maniacal laughter) TAKE THAT HIPS!
Friday, April 17, 2009
Friday Afternoon in the Universe
Or at least the very small universe of ME! :) At long last, I have my second Anusara session with Anjali this afternoon, which I'm very much looking forward to - hope to sneak in another next week so I can start going to regular classes the following weekend. I overdid it a bit running around Burlington yesterday and am definitely feeling the effects, though I did score a sweet Vaude ultralight pack for a mere 20 bucks at the Gear Exchange after asking the dude for "like, the world's simplest backpack." It certainly is that, and crazy light to boot, as well as packing into its own pocket for handy travel (presumably AFTER I get off crutches).
Yeah, and now my leg hurts, not the usual psoas hurt I can deal with, but a nice new achy hurt in the front of my thigh, down the outside to my knee, which has really been bothering me. The last time I saw Jennifer she asked where my knee hurt and was surprised when I told her, as she'd been expecting something different. I'm beginning to wonder if there's actually something wrong with it, and it's not just referred pain, as I've been presuming lo these many months. Not that I really give a rap, as my officemate would say, because for now I've certainly got bigger proverbial fish to fry.
And I got a call yesterday that I need to have another MRI done before surgery (my first being nigh-on 9 months old), which thankfully I was able to book on the same day as my first autologous blood donation. Unfortunately I now have school committments the night before both of my pre-op days in Boston, so I'm going to have to go down the day of - especially tricky for my actual pre-op appointment at Beth Israel, which is at 7:45am! I guess at least it'll be slightly less crowded on 93 at 5 in the morning, right?! Oh, best laid plans!
But in 2 hours I'll be on break, and you sure can't shake a stick at that! In addition to my adjustment and massage next Wednesday, the fabulous Beverly, my former boss, is taking my buddy Linda and I for a SPA DAY on Friday, so I should be well and pampered out by the time I have to come back here. So (perhaps the last 3 paragraphs aside), can't complain!
Yeah, and now my leg hurts, not the usual psoas hurt I can deal with, but a nice new achy hurt in the front of my thigh, down the outside to my knee, which has really been bothering me. The last time I saw Jennifer she asked where my knee hurt and was surprised when I told her, as she'd been expecting something different. I'm beginning to wonder if there's actually something wrong with it, and it's not just referred pain, as I've been presuming lo these many months. Not that I really give a rap, as my officemate would say, because for now I've certainly got bigger proverbial fish to fry.
And I got a call yesterday that I need to have another MRI done before surgery (my first being nigh-on 9 months old), which thankfully I was able to book on the same day as my first autologous blood donation. Unfortunately I now have school committments the night before both of my pre-op days in Boston, so I'm going to have to go down the day of - especially tricky for my actual pre-op appointment at Beth Israel, which is at 7:45am! I guess at least it'll be slightly less crowded on 93 at 5 in the morning, right?! Oh, best laid plans!
But in 2 hours I'll be on break, and you sure can't shake a stick at that! In addition to my adjustment and massage next Wednesday, the fabulous Beverly, my former boss, is taking my buddy Linda and I for a SPA DAY on Friday, so I should be well and pampered out by the time I have to come back here. So (perhaps the last 3 paragraphs aside), can't complain!
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
8 weeks from today
*GULP!* Oh, it seems like just yesterday I was bitching about how long 9 months was! :) Still waiting for word from Blue Cross about whether I'm actually approved to go through with the thing, or whether I'll be paying out of pocket for this happy fun time elective procedure. Fingers crossed!
I have to say that lopsided Hip Hip Hooray cake really cracks me up - how appropriate! And you have to laugh, truly. Hoo spent much of my adjustment yesterday patting my neck with great concern, finally asking "Do you have some family stuff going on right now?" Why yes, yes I do! "Stuff" being "trying to determine if recuperating at my parents' house will actually drive me insane (even while heavily medicated)". At this point, to be honest, I'm leaning towards "it most certainly will", but am at a loss as to what my other options might be. *LE sigh*
Only 2 1/2 more school days til break! OHM shanti shanti shanti...
I have to say that lopsided Hip Hip Hooray cake really cracks me up - how appropriate! And you have to laugh, truly. Hoo spent much of my adjustment yesterday patting my neck with great concern, finally asking "Do you have some family stuff going on right now?" Why yes, yes I do! "Stuff" being "trying to determine if recuperating at my parents' house will actually drive me insane (even while heavily medicated)". At this point, to be honest, I'm leaning towards "it most certainly will", but am at a loss as to what my other options might be. *LE sigh*
Only 2 1/2 more school days til break! OHM shanti shanti shanti...
Friday, April 10, 2009
My Diagnosis is 1!
For. Real. 365 days ago this afternoon I'd never even heard of hip dysplasia, and by the evening I was googling like a fiend, trying to figure out what the heck I was actually up against. Oh, how far I've come since then, jeez, just in anatomical knowledge alone!
For once I am somewhat at a loss as to how to sum up the past year's transformation... suffice to say that today also marks 2 months until my periacetabular osteotomy (say it three times fast!) and I am equal parts confident in my assiduous preparation therefor and terrified of the consquences thereof that I can't possibly predict. Okay, maybe more parts terrified, depending on the day. :) But I know I'm in good hands, and I know that all the work I've done this year can only help improve my chances for a speedy recovery. I'm hoping I'll come out of it all thinking it wasn't nearly as big of a deal as I thought it would be!
I surely would not have made it this far without the support of my ever-expanding team of trusty medical professionals, the blogs of my fellow hipwomen and, most importantly, my friends who have endured 12 solid months of my rollercoaster obsession and all the compulsive information-sharing, shaky sanity, and occasional cane-wielding it has entailed. This summer is sure to be a tough one, but if you bear with me I promise to be much less of a stick in the mud thereafter. Much much MUCH love to you all!
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
My crutches came!
And they are PRETTY badass - just look at that ergonomic grip, that spring-loaded tip! They weigh a good bit less than my crappy old wooden ones, and are about a zillion times more comfortable, on first go-round. My master plan was to get some crutching practice in in the next couple months, but I don't know how realistic that is, at least in the confines of my apartment (perhaps on the porch?!). I will, though, be able to bring them down this weekend when I see my folks (and Chris and Liz!!!) and give them a spin around the house. Harley, their dog, hasn't seen me on crutches, and I'm really hoping he doesn't have the same reaction (growling, barking, spinning excitedly) that Farrah Dog had to them.
I had a delightful massage with the lovely Jennifer last night and when I told her about my first experience "flointing" she said "That's funny, I've never heard of flointing! I say 'plex'!" hahaha She tried a new, less invasive approach towards my psoas, such that I'm not nearly as bruisey today as I was the last time. Definitely still got in there, though! Man, she hit one spot on the inside rim of my hip socket that was like turning on a flashlight beam of numb relief across my uppermost thigh - it was pretty crazy! She also really got into the back of my psoas on the lefthand side, asking about lower back pain (so regular I've come to take it for granted) and commenting that I must have a very high tolerance for pain, which I suspect will come in handy in the near future!
Despite the alternate approach, the psoas work still definitely did the trick, and without the nausea I'd previously experienced after a massage. My stride feels more loose and fluid, something I've been increasingly able to achieve through the more "holistic approach" I've been taking towards healing of late. I actually used that term last night talking about the past few months with Jennifer, and rather surprised myself. If I start talking about chaneling my spirit animal, somebody please tell me it's time to get off the bus! :)
On those days (like yesterday, like today) when I find myself entertaining the notion that I might avoid the scalpel altogether, I take a step or I get up out of a chair and ZING! the invisible dysplasia demons drive an awl right into my hip socket. Dang demons!!! Some nerve they've got, reminding my I'm all fallible and shit!
I had a delightful massage with the lovely Jennifer last night and when I told her about my first experience "flointing" she said "That's funny, I've never heard of flointing! I say 'plex'!" hahaha She tried a new, less invasive approach towards my psoas, such that I'm not nearly as bruisey today as I was the last time. Definitely still got in there, though! Man, she hit one spot on the inside rim of my hip socket that was like turning on a flashlight beam of numb relief across my uppermost thigh - it was pretty crazy! She also really got into the back of my psoas on the lefthand side, asking about lower back pain (so regular I've come to take it for granted) and commenting that I must have a very high tolerance for pain, which I suspect will come in handy in the near future!
Despite the alternate approach, the psoas work still definitely did the trick, and without the nausea I'd previously experienced after a massage. My stride feels more loose and fluid, something I've been increasingly able to achieve through the more "holistic approach" I've been taking towards healing of late. I actually used that term last night talking about the past few months with Jennifer, and rather surprised myself. If I start talking about chaneling my spirit animal, somebody please tell me it's time to get off the bus! :)
On those days (like yesterday, like today) when I find myself entertaining the notion that I might avoid the scalpel altogether, I take a step or I get up out of a chair and ZING! the invisible dysplasia demons drive an awl right into my hip socket. Dang demons!!! Some nerve they've got, reminding my I'm all fallible and shit!
Monday, April 6, 2009
I'm flointing!
Woohoo! Friday I had my first private session with Anjali at Yoga Mountain and it was quite excellent! Definitely a little awkward at first (especially once she turned off the music so she could hear my breathing!) but really something once I got focused on my body. I was most surprised at how much I could actually do - really just needed a couple of blankets and blocks to help modify some poses, and decided to do without altogether the balancing pose requiring me to stand on my left leg. Yeah, not gonna happen!
Wait, that was a lie - what was MOST surprising is that my arms are falling out of their sockets! Not far in Anjali said "Now let me just adjust your arms for you" and literally picked up my upper arm and placed it back into the socket. I didn't know you could do that! There were a few times she did the same with my legs, rotating the calves in and the thighs out because my knees were knocking in in a weird way - no doubt a result of the slight inversion of my left foot that Jennifer noticed, too, when she initially evaluated me. All of these adjustments felt just dandy at the time, and definitely altered my alignment for the better, but MAN did I feel them the next day!
Overall, though, Anjali said my alignment is pretty good - I just need to get more comfortable with the poses and to that end will be doing 2 more sessions just with her before joining her regular Level 1 Anusara class. I'm really looking forward to it - still kind of stunned by what I was able to do and how relaxed I felt immediately afterward (next day pains aside!). Seems like a perfect addition to my routine, so much so that I really wish I'd had the funds for it months ago!
Oh yeah, and flointing! At one point Anjali said "...and just floint your foot and stretch to the left" and I'm going "uh huh, uh huh, stretch to the left... wait. What?!" Apparently yoga instructors are prone to making up words, and this is Anjali's conflation of "flex" and "point". I must say I am an excellent flointer. :) Unfortunately I'm not able to schedule another session til next week, but with a massage tomorrow (YAY!) and an adjustment Thursday, I think I'll muddle through somehow!
Finally heard back Saturday from Erin, Dr. Kim's trusty PA (who just had knee surgery herself), about a couple of questions I had. Turns out all body jewelry is outlawed during surgery, which means both my tongue stud and my rook ring will have to be out for at least a few hours (still waiting to hear how soon I can put them back in) while I'm in the OR. This is slightly complicating because 1)there's a good chance that even after more than a decade, my tongue will heal in that short period of time and 2)I can't take my rook piercing out! I'll need to find a piercer to do it for me, and I have no idea how long that one can be out before it starts to close up. Curses! Of course my mom is triumphant (both she and my dad have said they will NOT be helping me put jewelry back in post-op) but I'm feeling torn at best. Would I have taken either piercing out anytime soon without surgery? No way. But would I go through another round of piercing to have them back? I don't think so. Arrrrr talk about unintended consequences! How frustrating.
Wait, that was a lie - what was MOST surprising is that my arms are falling out of their sockets! Not far in Anjali said "Now let me just adjust your arms for you" and literally picked up my upper arm and placed it back into the socket. I didn't know you could do that! There were a few times she did the same with my legs, rotating the calves in and the thighs out because my knees were knocking in in a weird way - no doubt a result of the slight inversion of my left foot that Jennifer noticed, too, when she initially evaluated me. All of these adjustments felt just dandy at the time, and definitely altered my alignment for the better, but MAN did I feel them the next day!
Overall, though, Anjali said my alignment is pretty good - I just need to get more comfortable with the poses and to that end will be doing 2 more sessions just with her before joining her regular Level 1 Anusara class. I'm really looking forward to it - still kind of stunned by what I was able to do and how relaxed I felt immediately afterward (next day pains aside!). Seems like a perfect addition to my routine, so much so that I really wish I'd had the funds for it months ago!
Oh yeah, and flointing! At one point Anjali said "...and just floint your foot and stretch to the left" and I'm going "uh huh, uh huh, stretch to the left... wait. What?!" Apparently yoga instructors are prone to making up words, and this is Anjali's conflation of "flex" and "point". I must say I am an excellent flointer. :) Unfortunately I'm not able to schedule another session til next week, but with a massage tomorrow (YAY!) and an adjustment Thursday, I think I'll muddle through somehow!
Finally heard back Saturday from Erin, Dr. Kim's trusty PA (who just had knee surgery herself), about a couple of questions I had. Turns out all body jewelry is outlawed during surgery, which means both my tongue stud and my rook ring will have to be out for at least a few hours (still waiting to hear how soon I can put them back in) while I'm in the OR. This is slightly complicating because 1)there's a good chance that even after more than a decade, my tongue will heal in that short period of time and 2)I can't take my rook piercing out! I'll need to find a piercer to do it for me, and I have no idea how long that one can be out before it starts to close up. Curses! Of course my mom is triumphant (both she and my dad have said they will NOT be helping me put jewelry back in post-op) but I'm feeling torn at best. Would I have taken either piercing out anytime soon without surgery? No way. But would I go through another round of piercing to have them back? I don't think so. Arrrrr talk about unintended consequences! How frustrating.
Thursday, April 2, 2009
Getting kitted up
My hip kit came yesterday! I was on the phone with Chris when I opened it and tried to explain to him what I was looking at. "Well, see, there's this grabber thing like old people have to get cans down off the top shelf, but it has this screw-like thing coming out the top of it and a plastic loopy thing that looks like something else might fit into it...? Like... this other hooky thing...?" haha And of course it doesn't come with any instructions like somehow I'm supposed to intuit how to be infirmed!
Definitely helped with the "making this feel real" aspect of pre-op life, though, I tell you what. Yeah, had a good bit of panic there for a minute or two! And let me give a big sarcastic "THANKS!" to whoever posted on hipwomen asking about the odds of DYING from a PAO. That's just the kind of thinking I need! Jeesh!
I'm hoping my crutches come before I head down to my folks house so I can see how getting around down there on them goes. Chris asked last night "Now, you're a damn dirty hippie, and it's going to be summer - shouldn't you be wearing sandals or something?" I was like "Agh I was just writing about that!" and he assured me that if I start wearing Crocs he will certainly be one of the first to mock me. Sadly I fear I will be prohibited from wearing the high-heeled version. :)
Definitely helped with the "making this feel real" aspect of pre-op life, though, I tell you what. Yeah, had a good bit of panic there for a minute or two! And let me give a big sarcastic "THANKS!" to whoever posted on hipwomen asking about the odds of DYING from a PAO. That's just the kind of thinking I need! Jeesh!
I'm hoping my crutches come before I head down to my folks house so I can see how getting around down there on them goes. Chris asked last night "Now, you're a damn dirty hippie, and it's going to be summer - shouldn't you be wearing sandals or something?" I was like "Agh I was just writing about that!" and he assured me that if I start wearing Crocs he will certainly be one of the first to mock me. Sadly I fear I will be prohibited from wearing the high-heeled version. :)
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
Balls!
No really!
Jennifer recommended I stretch my teres by using one of these handy balance balls. "Most people have one stuck in their closet somewhere - I know I do!", she said, and lo and behold I found one (still in the box) in my storage closet, courtesy of our school wellness program of probably 2 years ago. I'd forgotten I even had the thing! But I spent a good while last night listening to This American Life and balancing on my back on the thing, weirdest side effect being severe sciatic pain on my right side that I had to spend some time working through. Otherwise, though, just dandy, and my shoulders, though sore, are feeling good today. Unfortunately I wasn't able to swing the psoas-stretching poses she also recommended, either because I misremembered them or because I'm physically incapable of such things. I see her again next Tuesday, so we'll have to revisit that option!
Jennifer also recommended investing in a tennis ball to help work out my glute issues, but unless I'm mistaken it hasn't started bracing the left side again since last I saw her - hooray! Got an email today that my hip kit shipped, but my crutches are still "processing", so hopefully I'll see them sooner rather than later! Never thought I'd be so excited at age 29 about new crutches! :)
Jennifer recommended I stretch my teres by using one of these handy balance balls. "Most people have one stuck in their closet somewhere - I know I do!", she said, and lo and behold I found one (still in the box) in my storage closet, courtesy of our school wellness program of probably 2 years ago. I'd forgotten I even had the thing! But I spent a good while last night listening to This American Life and balancing on my back on the thing, weirdest side effect being severe sciatic pain on my right side that I had to spend some time working through. Otherwise, though, just dandy, and my shoulders, though sore, are feeling good today. Unfortunately I wasn't able to swing the psoas-stretching poses she also recommended, either because I misremembered them or because I'm physically incapable of such things. I see her again next Tuesday, so we'll have to revisit that option!
Jennifer also recommended investing in a tennis ball to help work out my glute issues, but unless I'm mistaken it hasn't started bracing the left side again since last I saw her - hooray! Got an email today that my hip kit shipped, but my crutches are still "processing", so hopefully I'll see them sooner rather than later! Never thought I'd be so excited at age 29 about new crutches! :)
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