2 weeks

Oh barf! Yesterday Julie could tell I was dealing with some big stress and asked me to hold the biggest of the big in my mind while she worked her magic for a bit, then to hold the best possible outcome of that stress in my mind while she worked some more. And, as I should by now have come to expect from my Rushford Family Chiropractic experience, it was a revelation. I started tearing up right there on the table and thought I might lose it, whether from the sadness of the past 2 years or from the anticipated joy of recovery, it's hard to say. That best possible outcome, though, that was clear as a bell - I saw myself jumping from rock to rock in a little stream in the woods as the sun filtered down through the trees on one of those perfect mild Vermont summer days. Of all the things I miss, the ability to run ramshackle through the trees like a wildwoman has been the hardest to give up. Tiptoeing over an icy patch on my way home last night I realized I probably won't lose that caution for some time to come, but how nice it will be to fall without fearing I might snap my leg off at the root!

Thanks to February break next week I should be able to work in at least 3 or 4 more adjustments AND a massage before surgery, which is fantastic. My spine's been going through a lot of changes just in the past few weeks and I'm dreading losing that momentum post-op, though hopefully I won't have to go too long before being able to travel to the office and be adjusted comfortably again. If nothing else, the changes in my shoulders are sure to make for (relatively) easier crutching, and I'm interested to see if the alignment is different enough that my callouses will be different this time around. Yes, that's how narrow my field of interest becomes post-op - "Oooh, look at the palms of my hands!" :)

Break next week will afford me a goodly amount of time to get my apartment in order before it becomes too difficult to clean (physically, I mean!), as well as to deal with some of the anxiety I've been pushing away in favor of dealing with more immediate matters. Julie reminded me of a great breathing technique for getting calm and centered, perfect for when my mind starts going in 4 million directions. I think the contrast between that and 3-4 days spent immobile in the same bed post-op is one of the greatest I've experienced in my life! She also mentioned Silent Unity as a service I might avail myself of, saying "You put in a request and they hold you in prayer", such that in my mind's eye I saw a circle of strangers actually holding me and praying, which as it turns out is not how it actually works. Pretty cool concept, though! I'm reading Compassion in Action right now and there's a wonderful moment Ram Dass describes with a meditation group that has a similar effect on him - it feels like no accident that I picked up the book when I did, and I'm sure Ram Dass would agree!