Oh yes indeedy! Lately I've been weighing the relative merits of going in blind to this type of undertaking versus knowing what to expect. I think the distinction is really that between fear and dread. I'm not particularly scared this time around, but I am really really really not looking forward to going through it all again. Poop. But! Meanwhile my post-op hip is treating me fantastically, which is a good motivator for RPAO as well. Until recently my right hip has remained relatively asymptomatic, save for some incessant popping that only started after my LPAO. The past few days, though, have slayed me with sciatic pain on the right side, something I also experienced early on after diagnosis when I was just sorting out all the weird ways my left side had been coping. (Even then it was only on the right side, which I guess is fairly common for sciatica.)
I saw Dr. Hoo yesterday in so much pain I wasn't sure I could get up off the table, but of course she picked up immediately on the source of the discomfort and went to work. When I finally did get up the pain was somehow even worse and I could barely get back into my car. An evening's relaxing with three Lidoderm patches and a good night's sleep seem to have allowed the NSA voodoo to work its magic, though, as I woke up this morning with nothing but a dull ache remaining. Great success! Also a fine reminder of what it's going to be like when I can't bend on the right side - nearly busted out my hip kit grabber, but I think I'll save that for when I'm back on crutches for real. :)
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
8 weeks pre-op
Really? Really. I just counted on my calendar! Sort of feel a bit like slamming my head in a door, but there you have it - RPAO, here I come!
My principal has been kind enough to grant me permission (or, as I just typed, "persimmon") to take the month of March off for the next chapter in my medical odyssey. As such, I will likely be on crutches for John & Ali's wedding, but decidedly NOT on crutches for the summer, which makes me OH-so-happy. Hopefully the timing will also coincide with a dramatic decrease in snowcover on the sidewalks - this is, at least, my master plan.
Unfortunately Dr. Kim is traveling a good deal these days, so the only pre-op appointment available to me is less than a week before my surgery date. Annette, his wonderful scheduler, said "Well, what if there's some reason why you can't have the procedure?" and I went "Errr...", thinking simultaneously "Well, then I won't have it?" and "What the hell reason could there possibly be?!" I can't think of one, but then I'm not, you know, a doctor.
Regardless, I am equal parts dreading going through all this again and elated to be getting it over with so soon. By the time I'm off crutches from this surgery I'll have spent 6 months of a year on the bastards. Truly worth it, though, I'm sure. Now that I've passed the 6 month post-LPAO mark I'm beginning to appreciate just how big an impact it's had. My leg is solid, stable - the joint is fluid and pain-free (aside from the continued nerve-regeneration pain, but that's GOOD pain!). I have a good leg! A leg to stand on! It is, in a word, awesome.
I'd be lying if I said I didn't feel a bit pariah-esque because of all this - having to take a break from the bulk of my physical life for years now - but the alternative is a notion I can't begin to entertain. I'm so thankful for the opportunity to get better, no matter the cost. Let's DO this! :)
My principal has been kind enough to grant me permission (or, as I just typed, "persimmon") to take the month of March off for the next chapter in my medical odyssey. As such, I will likely be on crutches for John & Ali's wedding, but decidedly NOT on crutches for the summer, which makes me OH-so-happy. Hopefully the timing will also coincide with a dramatic decrease in snowcover on the sidewalks - this is, at least, my master plan.
Unfortunately Dr. Kim is traveling a good deal these days, so the only pre-op appointment available to me is less than a week before my surgery date. Annette, his wonderful scheduler, said "Well, what if there's some reason why you can't have the procedure?" and I went "Errr...", thinking simultaneously "Well, then I won't have it?" and "What the hell reason could there possibly be?!" I can't think of one, but then I'm not, you know, a doctor.
Regardless, I am equal parts dreading going through all this again and elated to be getting it over with so soon. By the time I'm off crutches from this surgery I'll have spent 6 months of a year on the bastards. Truly worth it, though, I'm sure. Now that I've passed the 6 month post-LPAO mark I'm beginning to appreciate just how big an impact it's had. My leg is solid, stable - the joint is fluid and pain-free (aside from the continued nerve-regeneration pain, but that's GOOD pain!). I have a good leg! A leg to stand on! It is, in a word, awesome.
I'd be lying if I said I didn't feel a bit pariah-esque because of all this - having to take a break from the bulk of my physical life for years now - but the alternative is a notion I can't begin to entertain. I'm so thankful for the opportunity to get better, no matter the cost. Let's DO this! :)
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
5 months post-op
It's a little weird to think that I still haven't spent more time bipedal since surgery than I did on crutches - those days seem so far behind me! I think it's like they say about women having evolved to forget much of the pain of labor so that they might want to actually do it again. I've been thinking back on my hospital stay and realized how little I remember of the first couple of days, how the memory of getting out of bed for the first time is a visual one and not a sense one (though I seem to recall my sense was something like "HOLY SHIT THAT HURTS!"). Good thing, as I reluctantly look ahead to scheduling my RPAO in the spring. Though my right hip is deteriorating at an astonishing pace (having been entirely pain-free pre-op), I'm hopeful it will still be much better off than ol' lefty was going into surgery, and thus recovery will be easier. That's logical, right?!
Meanwhile my op leg seems to be coming along dandily. I walked a mile last week for the first time and Sunday played a full 18 holes of discgolf (in a t-shirt, no less!) - poorly, mind you, but it was still marvelous to get out there. Definitely slow on the inclines, but I make it up nonetheless, and don't experience pain so much as weakness. My dear PT Susan and I are working steadily on that, though, trying to shore up both sides as best I can without compromising one over the other. It's a balancing act, in more ways than one! I've been seeing her about once a week and getting regular ultrasound massage on my left IT band, which is tight like a tiger these days. I saw my GP, Dr. Crose, last week and, in addition to getting swine flu up the nose, got a prescription for lidocaine patches for my right hip as it worsens.
Intellectually I know that medicine is a science, but it's funny to me how just asking about something (in this case for a topical pain solution instead of the 1600+ milligrams of daily ibuprofen I was prescribed for 9 months leading to surgery) can completely change the doctor's approach. I definitely appreciate her willingness to hear me out on such things - we're both fairly new to this process! Haven't picked up the patches yet (and hope to use them only in dire circumstances) but Susan warns they're pretty powerful stuff and can seep meds into the capillary bed, meaning the numbness might spread any old which way. Regardless, I'll certainly not be keeping them on for the SIX TO EIGHT HOURS they supposedly work for. I'd like to at least be able to feel like I have a hip!
In terms of numbness on the op side (no meds needed there!) I've been getting a lot of surface sensation back, which is great, if painful. I truly welcome the pain, though, since it means I'm healing! The incision has reached a rather uncomfortable (burny/stabby) part of the healing process, but Susan assures me that as long as it's pinky-purpleish (which is definitely still is for the most part) it's still healing under there somewhere, so that's good. She claims that it will eventually just look like a thin white line, but at this point that seems, to quote Ralph Wiggum, unpossible. In any event, I'm feeling better and stronger (at least on the left side) with each passing day, and oh-so-pleased with my PAO. In case you couldn't tell. :)
Meanwhile my op leg seems to be coming along dandily. I walked a mile last week for the first time and Sunday played a full 18 holes of discgolf (in a t-shirt, no less!) - poorly, mind you, but it was still marvelous to get out there. Definitely slow on the inclines, but I make it up nonetheless, and don't experience pain so much as weakness. My dear PT Susan and I are working steadily on that, though, trying to shore up both sides as best I can without compromising one over the other. It's a balancing act, in more ways than one! I've been seeing her about once a week and getting regular ultrasound massage on my left IT band, which is tight like a tiger these days. I saw my GP, Dr. Crose, last week and, in addition to getting swine flu up the nose, got a prescription for lidocaine patches for my right hip as it worsens.
Intellectually I know that medicine is a science, but it's funny to me how just asking about something (in this case for a topical pain solution instead of the 1600+ milligrams of daily ibuprofen I was prescribed for 9 months leading to surgery) can completely change the doctor's approach. I definitely appreciate her willingness to hear me out on such things - we're both fairly new to this process! Haven't picked up the patches yet (and hope to use them only in dire circumstances) but Susan warns they're pretty powerful stuff and can seep meds into the capillary bed, meaning the numbness might spread any old which way. Regardless, I'll certainly not be keeping them on for the SIX TO EIGHT HOURS they supposedly work for. I'd like to at least be able to feel like I have a hip!
In terms of numbness on the op side (no meds needed there!) I've been getting a lot of surface sensation back, which is great, if painful. I truly welcome the pain, though, since it means I'm healing! The incision has reached a rather uncomfortable (burny/stabby) part of the healing process, but Susan assures me that as long as it's pinky-purpleish (which is definitely still is for the most part) it's still healing under there somewhere, so that's good. She claims that it will eventually just look like a thin white line, but at this point that seems, to quote Ralph Wiggum, unpossible. In any event, I'm feeling better and stronger (at least on the left side) with each passing day, and oh-so-pleased with my PAO. In case you couldn't tell. :)
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Oh so THAT'S what "bilateral" means!
Well, I'm nearly 5 months post-op and the balance (in my pelvis) has really shifted. The other day my right leg popped and I said "That's my good leg!" and my dad said "Which one's the 'good' one now?" and I realized, Hey! I actually DO have a good leg now, and it's my LEFT one! Some continued stiffness and weakness aside, LPAO was definitely a success and I'm continually amazed at the things that don't hurt. Conversely, I've finally come to a full acceptance of the inevitability of an RPAO, as the stronger my left gets the more the weaknesses of the right are apparent. I've also made some excellent strides both in yoga and in my chiropractic work, such that my upper back and left shoulder are better than ever. Of course, with that improved alignment comes the evidence of MISalignment in my right side - LE sigh!
It's been a funny full-circle journey to be experiencing the initial pangs of dysplasia all over again on the opposite (and heretofore almost entirely asymptomatic) side. At least I know what to do for the pain this time around! The knowing-what-to-expect is a blessing and a curse these days, as I consider an RPAO in a mere 5 months time. It's no good to start doing the math of 6 more months til my left side's functioning at full capacity and another year after that til the right is. I try my best not to focus on the limitations I have now, which will only get worse (for several months) before they get better, but that little grumpy gremlin's still lurking in the back of my mind most days. Of course, most days I'm also thinking pretty regularly "Oh how SPLENDID it is to WALK!!!" so it sort of evens out somehow. :) Mostly what I'm dreading at this point is starting the insurance dance all over again - I feel so much like the petulant child dragging her heels and whining "But I don't WANNNAAAAAA!" Lousy growing up. ;)
It's been a funny full-circle journey to be experiencing the initial pangs of dysplasia all over again on the opposite (and heretofore almost entirely asymptomatic) side. At least I know what to do for the pain this time around! The knowing-what-to-expect is a blessing and a curse these days, as I consider an RPAO in a mere 5 months time. It's no good to start doing the math of 6 more months til my left side's functioning at full capacity and another year after that til the right is. I try my best not to focus on the limitations I have now, which will only get worse (for several months) before they get better, but that little grumpy gremlin's still lurking in the back of my mind most days. Of course, most days I'm also thinking pretty regularly "Oh how SPLENDID it is to WALK!!!" so it sort of evens out somehow. :) Mostly what I'm dreading at this point is starting the insurance dance all over again - I feel so much like the petulant child dragging her heels and whining "But I don't WANNNAAAAAA!" Lousy growing up. ;)
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
The presence of absence
Well, it's a Wednesday, which means I'm X weeks post-LPAO, though at this point I've happily lost track. I'm also nearly 4 weeks post-crutches and am happy to say the ball of my right hand has finally healed to the point that you can barely tell it'd been beaten up for months by the otherwise-ergonomic grips of my Millennial Crutches - crutches that have been living in the back of my trusty Subaru since the day of Adam & Sue's wedding, such that I literally can see them in my rearview mirror. mwah ha ha ha ha!
I've been back at yoga regularly and taking Omega 3s, both of which seem to be increasing the sensation in my op leg daily. Also managed to pick up a $10 stationary bike at the fabulous annual Bethany Church sale (which a wonderful man carried to my house for me!), though I haven't done much with it after the initial foray that left me sore. Hopefully a mere seat adjustment will address that, but I want to talk to Susan, the PT I've been missing so dearly lo these many weeks, before getting back on again. And YES I see her tomorrow! No thanks to Boston Childrens, though, as it was Dr. Crose who ended up writing the scrip. Technically I'm still supposed to be on crutches, since the order for my follow-up x-rays never arrived. Great system they've got there.
But aside from still struggling a bit with going up stairs and putting on underwear (that pesky leg-lifty motion!), I'm feeling fairly fantastic. Except when I'm tired my limp is pretty much completely gone and it is with great self-satisfaction that I pass people on the sidewalk. I'm fast again!! There are so many moments when my brain anticipates pain and is pleasantly surprised when there's none - after 2 years of decreased mobility this should come as no shock, but I still get a lovely frisson every time it happens. And I can't tell you HOW many times a day I think "I am SO happy I'm not on crutches!" Last week I played my first post-op (half) round of disc golf, which really drove both points home. The last time I'd gone was a week or so before surgery and by the time we got to the first bench I was already struggling and couldn't wait to sit down. This time we got there and I was fine, just FINE thankyouverymuch! Granted I'm a little slow on the up-and-down hilly bits, but that's probably 85% paranoia and only 15% actual physical limitation. Overall I'm definitely not back to 100% (not that I even remember what 100% feels like, really) but I'm getting there, and actually excited to see what Susan has to say tomorrow (slash a microscopic bit concerned she's going to tell me I've effed something up in my enthusiastic rush towards bipedalism, but only a bit!). We shall soon see!
I've been back at yoga regularly and taking Omega 3s, both of which seem to be increasing the sensation in my op leg daily. Also managed to pick up a $10 stationary bike at the fabulous annual Bethany Church sale (which a wonderful man carried to my house for me!), though I haven't done much with it after the initial foray that left me sore. Hopefully a mere seat adjustment will address that, but I want to talk to Susan, the PT I've been missing so dearly lo these many weeks, before getting back on again. And YES I see her tomorrow! No thanks to Boston Childrens, though, as it was Dr. Crose who ended up writing the scrip. Technically I'm still supposed to be on crutches, since the order for my follow-up x-rays never arrived. Great system they've got there.
But aside from still struggling a bit with going up stairs and putting on underwear (that pesky leg-lifty motion!), I'm feeling fairly fantastic. Except when I'm tired my limp is pretty much completely gone and it is with great self-satisfaction that I pass people on the sidewalk. I'm fast again!! There are so many moments when my brain anticipates pain and is pleasantly surprised when there's none - after 2 years of decreased mobility this should come as no shock, but I still get a lovely frisson every time it happens. And I can't tell you HOW many times a day I think "I am SO happy I'm not on crutches!" Last week I played my first post-op (half) round of disc golf, which really drove both points home. The last time I'd gone was a week or so before surgery and by the time we got to the first bench I was already struggling and couldn't wait to sit down. This time we got there and I was fine, just FINE thankyouverymuch! Granted I'm a little slow on the up-and-down hilly bits, but that's probably 85% paranoia and only 15% actual physical limitation. Overall I'm definitely not back to 100% (not that I even remember what 100% feels like, really) but I'm getting there, and actually excited to see what Susan has to say tomorrow (slash a microscopic bit concerned she's going to tell me I've effed something up in my enthusiastic rush towards bipedalism, but only a bit!). We shall soon see!
Thursday, September 10, 2009
3 months post-op
Cliche though it may well be, I'd feel remiss if I didn't note what a long strange trip this has been. It's been such a bizarre year (summer in particular) in terms of appreciating the passage of time - I truly can't believe a quarter of the year has passed since my PAO. Yipes! And what did I do with that time, exactly? Well, I watched The Sopranos in its entirety and It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia in its entirety twice (it bears repeating). I didn't read one book from the time I was admitted til I returned home to Montpelier - the longest I've gone in probably my whole life without something going. I guess I learned the joys of passivity - certainly got my fill of THAT this summer!
Last night I made my triumphant return to yoga and actually fared pretty well, with the exception of some twists and bendy business that I just couldn't physically accomplish without irritating my screws something fierce. Really, though, what's sorest today is my poor beleaguered shoulders, beaten down by so much crutching and so little rest. The whole left side of my upper body (including my loud cracking jaw) is a bit unhappy today, but I'm certain tonight's adjustment and tomorrow's massage (AHHH!) will sort that out right quick. But, despite a minor panic at the start of class when I thought "Am I totally nuts?!", yoga helped me recenter in a way I haven't been able to for too long now, and I think has sorted my hip enough that (despite increased tenderness) my gait feels closer to normal now than it has... well, really since before I started experiencing dysplasia symptoms back in the summer of '07!
So, yes, PAO was definitely a smart choice for me and, though it really hadn't bothered me much at all before taking so much abuse this summer, old righty's surely going to go under the knife within a year. It's actually a little scary how quickly my brain switched to scheming for that surgery once I got off crutches for good. Even while limping around all screwed up (literally, I mean) my master planning instinct is kicking in full force. Thankfully I'll see Dr. Crose this afternoon and get some PT prescribed so I can put some closure to my LPAO before I get TOO far ahead of myself!
Last night I made my triumphant return to yoga and actually fared pretty well, with the exception of some twists and bendy business that I just couldn't physically accomplish without irritating my screws something fierce. Really, though, what's sorest today is my poor beleaguered shoulders, beaten down by so much crutching and so little rest. The whole left side of my upper body (including my loud cracking jaw) is a bit unhappy today, but I'm certain tonight's adjustment and tomorrow's massage (AHHH!) will sort that out right quick. But, despite a minor panic at the start of class when I thought "Am I totally nuts?!", yoga helped me recenter in a way I haven't been able to for too long now, and I think has sorted my hip enough that (despite increased tenderness) my gait feels closer to normal now than it has... well, really since before I started experiencing dysplasia symptoms back in the summer of '07!
So, yes, PAO was definitely a smart choice for me and, though it really hadn't bothered me much at all before taking so much abuse this summer, old righty's surely going to go under the knife within a year. It's actually a little scary how quickly my brain switched to scheming for that surgery once I got off crutches for good. Even while limping around all screwed up (literally, I mean) my master planning instinct is kicking in full force. Thankfully I'll see Dr. Crose this afternoon and get some PT prescribed so I can put some closure to my LPAO before I get TOO far ahead of myself!
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
13 weeks post-PAO, 5 days post-crutches, 5 hours pre-yoga!
Well, after reading about one of my hip sisters going out on ice skates at a mere 8 weeks post-op, I decided to toss off my crutches for good on Saturday, x-rays be damned! I'd been doing a good bit of short-distance walking leading up to it, so it wasn't too terrifying, though I couldn't walk without a limp if I tried. The pain in my hip is minimal - more just soreness and exhaustion - but my foot was KEEELing me for a couple of days and now the pain has migrated up to my ankle, all a result, no doubt, of my left leg being completely realigned. I also realized my foot looks kind of strange to me from this new perspective (actually flat on the floor instead of torqued out to the left), which I hadn't really considered when I wasn't putting weight on it.
Sunday was Adam & Sue's wedding and I'm confident in saying it was the most perfect day ever, a huge part of what was surely my best weekend of 2009 so far. And I danced! Oh how I danced, and went up and down stairs, and walked around like a normal person! So normal, in fact, that at one point Adam tried to do the "let's bump hips" dance on my left side and I had to be like "Dude, you're hitting my screws!" :D At this point the screws are probably the sorest part, kind of itchy actually as the feeling comes back. With the muscles it's more that they just won't do what they're supposed to, but they're not complaining much about what they can do. All in all, I've been in significantly less pain the past few weeks than I was for nearly 2 years pre-PAO, so I'm not complaining! The weirdest is things I do (sitting flat on the floor with my leg out, sitting in the car with my leg bent) that DON'T hurt - things that hurt so consistently before surgery that I'd conditioned myself not to do them. Thankfully I think all my crutch conditioning has reset my brain in that regard, so I do those things without thinking. Of course, I still do weird crutchy things without thinking - like flinging the door wide open to let myself (and my invisible crutches) through and trying to keep my hands empty at all times. How liberating to carry one's own beverage again!
Meanwhile my x-ray order still hasn't shown (shocking, I know) but thankfully I have an appointment with Dr. Crose, my GP, tomorrow morning so I can have her finally prescribe the PT I've been jonesing for for months now. Oooh and tonight I'm going back to yoga! Probably a bit crazy, but I'll be taking it easy, for sure - very much looking forward to stretching out some of these well-worn kinks, though - I suspect my shoulders will be quite pleased with me! Tomorrow back to Dr. Hoo and Friday MASSAGE so life is pretty, pretty good!
Sunday was Adam & Sue's wedding and I'm confident in saying it was the most perfect day ever, a huge part of what was surely my best weekend of 2009 so far. And I danced! Oh how I danced, and went up and down stairs, and walked around like a normal person! So normal, in fact, that at one point Adam tried to do the "let's bump hips" dance on my left side and I had to be like "Dude, you're hitting my screws!" :D At this point the screws are probably the sorest part, kind of itchy actually as the feeling comes back. With the muscles it's more that they just won't do what they're supposed to, but they're not complaining much about what they can do. All in all, I've been in significantly less pain the past few weeks than I was for nearly 2 years pre-PAO, so I'm not complaining! The weirdest is things I do (sitting flat on the floor with my leg out, sitting in the car with my leg bent) that DON'T hurt - things that hurt so consistently before surgery that I'd conditioned myself not to do them. Thankfully I think all my crutch conditioning has reset my brain in that regard, so I do those things without thinking. Of course, I still do weird crutchy things without thinking - like flinging the door wide open to let myself (and my invisible crutches) through and trying to keep my hands empty at all times. How liberating to carry one's own beverage again!
Meanwhile my x-ray order still hasn't shown (shocking, I know) but thankfully I have an appointment with Dr. Crose, my GP, tomorrow morning so I can have her finally prescribe the PT I've been jonesing for for months now. Oooh and tonight I'm going back to yoga! Probably a bit crazy, but I'll be taking it easy, for sure - very much looking forward to stretching out some of these well-worn kinks, though - I suspect my shoulders will be quite pleased with me! Tomorrow back to Dr. Hoo and Friday MASSAGE so life is pretty, pretty good!
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